Page 106 of Changing Lanes

Brannon leaves me standing at my office door, well pleased and confused. He came all the way to New York to fuck me? I mean, I’m going to take it. There are no complaints here. Except for everyone in the office hearing me.

When the elevator doors close, I wrap my hand around the box he left in it. When I smile, everyone claps again. I bow and shut my door. Hurrying to my phone, I call Lea.

“Hello,” Lea says joyfully.

“Oh my, guess what just happened?” I say as soon as she answers.

“I’m not sure I want to know,” she laughs.

“Hang on, I’ll conference Thayer in.” I connect the calls. “So, ladies. Brannon just left here.” There’s giggles from both. “Okay. You both knew he was coming?”

“I have a plane,” Lea says as a matter of fact.

“Thank you, it was damn well appreciated,” I say with a sigh.

Thayer giggles more. “Do tell.”

“Not much to tell, I don’t even know how he got past the guard’s downstairs. He just walked right in here and locked the door behind him. Fucked my brains out and left a box with me.”

“Well, hell. If that ain’t a war, tell me what is?” Lea quips.

“War?” I laugh.

“Yeah, for you. What’s in the box?” Thayer asks.

“I know what it is, but I can’t open it.” If I do, it means my world turns upside down.

“Why not? You’re killing us here,” Thayer questions.

“It’s a ring. He bought it the Christmas before we broke up. He doesn’t have a clue I know about it.” I wipe a stray tear. “If I open it, I’m coming back to marry him. I can’t do that.”

“And why not, Torrie?” Thayer presses me. Lea is still quiet.

“I love that he came to remind me where I should be, but the facts are still the same. I’m not a mother. I let his daughter go missing. No one should marry a person with a child and not be able to be a decent parent to them,” I explain my point the way I see it.

“Hang on. So, you’re saying you can’t be with him because you aren’t a good mother to Andi? The Andi you fed, clothed, fixed her hair, took her to the dentist, got mani-pedi’s with, that Torrie?” Thayer pushes me further.

“Well, yes. Anyone can do all those things. I lack a basic instinct all mothers have.” That should clear it up.

“Torrie, you’re so full of shit,” Lea weighs in. “Motherly instinct and all. So, what you’re saying is, Malone should have never become a father. He was instantly a father to three, then two newborn babies. He had no instincts except that he loved them. He cried for days when the boys started calling him dad. I was fifteen, a teenager. Do you think I had motherly instincts?

“Being a parent takes nothing more than loving a child. You will fuck up, oh god, will you ever fuck up. You just pray that your fuck up doesn’t fuck the kid up. You have one and think, ‘I got this.’ So, you have a second one. That one is night and day different from the first, and you have to start all over on how to handle them.

“And this is the best part, when they get older, even if you had fuck ups, all they remember was that you loved them. Played in mud puddles with them. Taught them how to ride a bike. Torrie, I watched you with Andi, you were the only mother she knew. You loved each other, and it had nothing to do with her dad.” Lea makes sense.

“I have so much to think about.” I lay my head back.

“Are you coming down for the grand opening?” Thayer asks.

“I’m not sure. Father has no clue Brannon’s down there, so maybe.” I sigh.

“Have you changed your mind again?” Lea questions me about my earlier words to her.

“No. I know where home is, I just have to figure out how to get there.” We say our goodbyes and I get back to work.

I’m exhausted as I walk through my front door. Brannon’s home, he sent me a heart saying it was from Andi. I sit the box beside my phone on the nightstand. Falling back onto my bed, the air swirls around me and I can smell Brannon’s scent everywhere.

Is this what I smelled like to everyone today? I decide not to shower, I want him with me a little longer. I roll to my side and immediately feel sick. Ughhh, I forgot to eat today with all of this excitement. I trudge back to the kitchen, opting for milk and graham crackers.