Page 114 of Luci’s Lullaby

“Go to hell.” I storm from the room, bursting through the door across the hall. Emerson sits in tears, holding a wailing Luci.

“I tried to stop her, Alden. I told her it was Sam, this had nothing to do with you.” She wipes Luci's face.

My lungs go dry, and I can’t breathe. “Where is she?”

“Gone.” Emerson’s face tells me she’s not lying.

I fall against the wall, sinking to the floor. Fisting my hair as the tears fall from my eyes unrestrained. Anger boils deep in the pit of my stomach, and I begin to elbow the concrete behind me.

“Alden! Alden, stop!” Emerson begs me as I bust the skin on my arm and begin to bleed. “Aksel!”

Her cries echo through the room, but I keep hitting that damn wall. Thrashing on it until I can’t anymore. I beat the hell out of it, one strike for every scar my battered heart beats.

Aksel bursts through the door. “Alden, no! Man, what the hell?”

“She left, Aksel. Sam did something. Charlee’s gone,” Emerson breaks, falling into the seat behind her.

“What the fuck?” Aksel squats in front of me as I pummel myself and everything around me. “Em, get her outta here.”

“NO! She’s ours.” I grit my teeth, getting to my feet.

Aksel holds his hands up. “She doesn’t need to see this, no matter how old she is.”

I hold my head, nodding. Emerson reluctantly leaves, and I continue my assault. I shatter everything in the room, including my hand. By the end of my rampage, I sit in the middle of the floor, everything around me broken.

Broken and alone.

I bury my face in my hands. “You promised I’d never be alone again.” Something deep inside me breaks. There’s no coming back from this. Now, I’m done.

I find refuge at the bottom of every bottle I hold. No thoughts of her, no memories of anyone. Just the way I like it. I stay sober enough to take care of Luci since I’ve been home.

“Two weeks for a broken hand, what in the hell do I get for a broken heart?” Not a damn thing. I’m up all day, drowning at night. Luci’s teething and crying constantly.

“I’m trying to be patient, Luci.” I rock her as we both cry. “Some things take time.”

At some point, she falls asleep. I hold her to my chest, needing to feel something in life. I wander around my house, the disaster is it, drinking and swaying with Luci in my arms.

“Let’s go to bed, baby girl,” I mutter as I struggle into the bedroom. I know I shouldn’t be drinking with her and definitely not walking, but who’s here to judge?

I lay down, rolling her to the side. I tuck her in like we used to and fade off. Something disrupts my sleep, a noise. A feeling. I rouse, reaching for my girl.

I hear Luci but can’t find her as I search the bed blindly. I open my eyes when I can’t feel her. She isn’t here. I sit up, scanning the room. Hurrying from the bed, I rush to the other side.

Luci’s on the floor.

“What in the hell?” I panic, not sure if I should pick her up or call an ambulance.

So, I do both. I text Reese, Chord, and Aksel as I wait for the paramedics to arrive. By the time we get to the emergency room, everyone is there waiting on us.

“Alden, what happened?” Reese has me wrapped in her arms, comforting me. Little does she know, she shouldn’t.

I cover my head with my hands, pleading for God to take me now. “I did this.” I back away from her, beating on my chest. “I did it.”

“What? No! No you did not, Alden,” Reese yells at me.

Chord stands beside me. “Can you tell us anything else?”

“I had her in bed with me, and she rolled off.” I fist my hair. “I was drinking. We were alone, and I knew better.”