Page 149 of Luci’s Lullaby

I hold her close to my heart. “Oh my word. Is there anything more precious?”

“I don’t think so; I know Alden doesn’t.” Emerson’s eyes flicker to mine.

“Still hurts. Still in love. Still too afraid to do a damn thing about it.” I giggle cry.

She pulls me into a hug. “Listen to your heart, Charlee.”

“It always lets me down.” The hole in my chest is nothing more than a gaping wound.

She leans back. “That’s an excuse, not a reason.” She kisses my cheek. “I gotta go. By the way, Luci has a new favorite song for naptime and bedtime. I sent it to you in a text. Just play it and she’ll fade right off.”

“Will do.” I wave. “Tell him, thank you.”

She waves with a smile. “He already knows.”

“It’s so good to see you, baby girl.” I kiss Luci’s cheeks. “Let’s go play and read.”

We spend hours doing everything we used to do. Playing with ‘bun-bun’, a bunny I bought her while Alden was gone. I read to her, one of my favorite times of the day.

When she begins to yawn, I bath and feed her and take some time to rock her. “I think I miss this the most, Luci.”

She leans back, babbling away. “I know, it’s been a great day,” I reply to her. Standing, I walk over and dig through her bag. I remember Emerson said something about a song.

“It’s on my phone, let’s go listen to it.” I grab my phone and settle in with her. I push play and a familiar pang takes my breath as I hear Alden’s voice.

“For my girls, Lullaby.” My heart is in my throat as the guitar starts to play, and Alden’s sensual voice sings to me.

“Another lonesome highway, wouldn't even know where it goes,

A tumbleweed in my day, I only went where the wind blows

And I think I've finally lost my mind,

In you, I'm scared what I might find...

Nothing can compare, I've never easily scared,

But I long for our nights

Never had a dime, couldn't even claim my mind,

but you all brought me light

I can't save the world, but with you and this little girl,

I can save my life.

Lost up in this Earth, I finally found some worth,

They're called my daughter and this girl, I want to make my wife

Another empty bottle, another sad, sad song,

Fearlessly hit the throttle, never knew I'd be so wrong,

And I think I've finally found some reason why,

With you, I don't feel so blind

Turns out, children aren’t the only ones who need a lullaby.”

I’m shattered. His words speak volumes of truth and love. How can he do this to me, affect me so deeply and not even be here? I know it’s because deep in my soul, he is my counterpoint.

This man is my heart and soul. With each and every word, he tells me how much he loves us and the fact that this love saved him. I lay a sleeping Luci in her bed and grab my phone.

I hurry from my room to find Mom with tears in her eyes, in the living room “I have to go.”

“I know.” She hugs me. “I’ve got her, go find your heart.”

I smile. “I don’t have to find it; it’s where I left it all this time.” I race from my house going to find him.