Page 93 of Luci’s Lullaby

I don’t understand what’s happening anymore. The harder I try, the worse it all gets. I want—no, I need—Charlee to be proud of me. I can’t understand why she doesn’t see it.

As life comes crashing down on me, I begin to crack. My mind won’t stop, and singing isn’t something I really have any desire to do. I want to give up on everything.

I’m startled as the bed shifts. I know it’s Charlee, but I’m so lost in thought I didn’t hear her come in. She climbs in and scoots closer to me. The heat from her body warms me.

When she slips her arm around me, I sink into her embrace. The love she so freely gives brings me to my knees. She calms my soul, helping me to find my center.

“I’m sorry.” Her voice quivers with emotion.

Taking her hand, I pull it over my heart. I don’t know if I’ll ever find the words to tell her how I feel, but I’ll do my damnedest to show her. I hold her hand there the rest of the night until we’re both fast asleep.

I rouse to the coos and goos of my beautiful baby girl. As I peel my lids back, I come to a realization. “Women are badass. How in the hell do they cry their eyes out and function the next day.”

I rub my palms into them trying to force moisture in them. My eyes are as dry as the desert. “Geez, I’ll just get drunk next time.”

I drag my ass out of bed and through the house. I’m brought up short when I find Charlee rocking Luci as the sun beams through the window. She’s singing to her again, and my heart fills to the brim.

“Mornin’.” My raspy voice barely comes out.

Charlee’s face lights up. “Hey, handsome.”

My heart stutter steps. “What are my two favorite girls doin’ this morning?”

“I think…we’re teething.” Charlee frowns.

“Is that bad?”

“Well, it depends if I’m right and if you believe in old wives’ tales.” She giggles.

“Isn’t she kinda young to be doing that?”

“I’ve heard of some babies being born with teeth but no, she’s four months on Tuesday.” Charlee gazes at Luci like she’s a princess.

I walk over to them, squatting beside the chair. “So what do we do?”

“Nothing, we wait until we see one or swollen gums.” She giggles. “Or when she bites one of us.”

“I’ll let you take that shift.” I smile at her. “How do you know all of this stuff?”

“I helped with my brother and until I was old enough to start working, I was a babysitter.”

Luci goos at me, and I reach for her. “I need to give you more time to yourself.”

“Why? Are you trying to get rid of me?” A line forms between her eyes.

I stand and walk toward the living room. “No, not at all.”

“Then what’s going on?” She follows, sitting next to me.

“Sam told me I have to go back to work; she wants me to start playing weekends.”

She studies me. “You want to?”

“I’m not sure what I want when it comes to music, but I do know I can’t just leave Luci with anyone.”

“I’m not anyone.” Her brows knit.

“Charlee, I depend on you so much now. I can’t ask you to do more than you’re already doing.”