Page 88 of For One Night

“What the fuck do you want?”

“Settle the hell down and give me a minute.” He continues toward me, making me even more angry than I was. I’m over all of this and just want to leave.

“What is it?” I place my hands on my hips.

“You can’t let them get to you. We all make mistakes,” he says, hoping to make me feel better. The thing is, he made it worse.

“Yes, we do,” I yell. “I’m a better man because of them, but no one wants to talk about those things.”

“I know how hard you’ve tried.”

“So why haven’t you forgiven me?” Heaviness fills my chest, and I struggle to breathe.

He looks toward the ocean. “I didn’t realize I hadn’t.”

“You know, when you asked me to watch the girls, I was so happy. Yeah, I was scared, but all I kept thinking was ‘this is it, here’s your chance to make your brother proud’. Honestly, though, I wanted you to see I have changed. Hell, I’m not even sure if I have at this point.”

His frown deepens. “I do see the changes, and I am proud of you.”

“That’s why your friends think they can laugh at my expense, because I deserve it.”

“They’re your friends too, Lennox. It may have been a bad timing, but they were joking.”

“My friends? Damn, brother, you don’t even like to admit we’re family, and you want me to think they’re my friends? No, they’re not. Those people speak to me because of you, not me! I have no one, nothing. Yes, because of my doing, but everyone deserves a second chance.” I shake my head. “This was a mistake.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know she’d be here.”

“No, Lachlan.” I bite my lip. “I shouldn’t have stayed here. They’re not my friends. This isn’t my place. It’s not my home.”

“Don’t say that. We all want what’s best for you.”

“Except Lola because she’s family, and I’m a terrible person.” An ache in the center of my chest grows. “Because I don’t deserve a woman like her.”

“No, that’s not what I meant.”

“Well, it sure in the hell is what everyone else meant.” My head is ready to explode. “I’ve always been the other brother, the lesser of the two. I suppose, I’ll never be anything more. I know who I am, and what I bring to the table. I’m tired of apologizing for it.”

I turn, walking away as he continues to call my name. I’m done. The beach is dark by the time I get home, so I keep walking. I wander for hours, thinking about my life and where everything went wrong.

No one ever asked me what I did for all the years I was gone, supposedly traipsing the globe. I guess some people never live down their own reputation. I know I haven’t, even when I wasn’t doing anything to get one.

“I can’t be what they want me to be. I can only be me, if that isn’t good enough then I’m better off alone.”