Page 80 of Absolution

“My truth does involve a ‘best of intentions’ story, but not for you or me. It was for your parents. Our story started years ago, and involves more than you think.”

“Of course it does, people like you and them think they know what’s best for everyone. When all you do is destroy people and their lives.” His words are full of venom. They fill my ears, seeping into my veins as they poison my thinking. This is going to be harder than I ever imagined.

“Well then, I suppose this will be over faster than I thought since you know everything there is to know.” I seethe, my pulse racing with the same vitriol he filled me with.

“I know enough to determine; we weren’t meant to be together. You don’t do these things to people you love!” He spits his words at me like daggers pointed straight for my heart. They hit their mark because he’s not wrong.

“You’re right. But I didn’t come here to beg you back, I came to tell you everything, and that’s what I’m going to do.” I bite back rancor, trying not to cover him in it as well as he’s hitting me.

“Please, by all means, get on with it so you can leave.” He leans against the wall, arms folded to protect himself. I don’t think it’s going to help.

“We met in college, the year before you enlisted. The picture you found in Emmie’s nightstand was from our last night together. I thought Emmie might want to know who her father was one day, so I kept it.”

“I’m Emmie’s father? You didn’t think I deserved to know that? Or were you playing with me too?” He seethes, and I feel it in my bones. His anger is palpable, and the fissure in my heart opens wider.

“No one knows better than me with actions, there are consequences. I did what I thought was best to protect us.”

“From what? Me? Maybe you should’ve protected her from yourself!” He yells as anger gets the better of him, and it chills my blood, making it run cold.

“From all of it, Creed! Loss and pain. The thought of having a father that didn’t want her or even remember he made her. And yes, from me. I mourned you for far too long when she deserved a mother that was whole instead of one rotting away from a broken heart.” I pound my chest, hoping my heart will get a jump start, so I can breathe again.

“You are like all of the rest of them, using big words for things you will never understand or regret.” His jaw sets, but his words cut like a knife and twist like a lie.

“How nice it must be, to forget and never be accountable for anything.” I shake as anger pulsates through me. Though I want to run, all I can think of is to fight for him. So, I do. “You can’t imagine what I’ve been through or the hell I’ve faced alone. Yet here you are passing judgment and spewing your self-righteous bullshit.

“There was a time you couldn’t get enough of me. I loved you with everything in me, you filled me up with hope. And when you showed up, announcing you had enlisted, I stood behind you and put our plans for the future on hold.” My body vibrates with emotion, rocking me from where I stand. He has boxes setting around the room, this may be my last chance to explain it all.

He scratches his head, shaking it. “I don’t get you. You were mad at me for joining the military? Had you known anything about me, you would know it was my dream from a young age.”

“I do know, I was there for all of it!” I thump my chest, moving closer to him so he can feel my pain and not just see it. “But what you seem to have forgotten was me. You asked me to meet your parents, and although I knew what it meant, I was okay with it because you needed a buffer to tell them.

“But that day never came, they found out before we could visit. I was so in love with you, I would have followed you to the ends of the earth. And I did when the following year, instead of introducing me to your parents, I only got as far as your grave.” There it is the black hole where my heart lies in two pieces—the before and the after. Time stands still here, the place where I’m stuck between life and death.

“I don’t understand. Why didn’t you get to meet them?”

“You were missing, and I was alone. I had no one or nothing, and still, I waited for you to return. When I didn’t hear from you, I moved to Cherry Grove with nothing but the clothes on my back, a box of veterinarian books, a diploma, a cheap-ass engagement ring that only a college student could afford, and carrying our child.” My mouth is dry, causing a painful tightness in my throat. I struggle to drag air into my burning lungs, as the memory robs me of it.

He turns his back on me, walking to the other side of the room. “If we had been in love, I would’ve told my parents.”

“Just like you told them you were enlisting. You loved and respected them, and you knew to pick your battles. You also knew they’d worry if you’d finish college after, especially if we were engaged. So, we continued to sneak around, seeing each other when you had a few days of leave.” My body quakes, and I shudder. His face pales, contorting with his thoughts.

“The day of your last mission, you called to tell me, I would finally be meeting your parents on your next leave. That’s when I decided to wait to tell you about our baby, so I could do it in person.” I use the back of my hand to dry my face and wipe them on my jeans. The tears won’t stop, no matter how much I wish they would.

“I don’t remember. I wish I could, it might help me to understand because I’m still dumbfounded as to why you didn’t tell me when we first met.” His frown deepens as our story unfolds. My guilt and fear grow by the minute, rooting me to the spot. I can’t run now even if I wanted to, I have to lighten my load before I collapse under it.

“I didn’t think you would, and the day you walked through my doors with Doc was more than proof you might never remember me. I was stunned, happy, and devastated all at once. To have you so close but still in a place I couldn’t reach you. When you showed interest in me, I caved. I prayed for it to come to you, and a small part of me hoped you wouldn’t remember me, that way we could move past this.”

His gaze locks with mine, a moment of clarity flashes in his eyes. “Doc? I called you Doc because you were going into veterinarian school.”

“Yes.” I stamp down the butterflies in my belly from the hope that springs forth with his memory.

“We were in love.” Is he asking me or telling me? Either way, it rips my soul from my chest and leaves it crushed. Leaving nothing but a hole where he once owned the entire space.

“I thought we were, but I also believed we’d be together forever. Yet here we are standing in the ash and refuge of what’s left.”

“I asked you to wait for me, gave you a ring.” Creed staggers to the chair, holding on as his newfound memories send shock waves through him. His hand grips the chair, and he steadies himself.

“Yes, and when I didn’t hear from you, I went in search of anyone that could tell me whether you were alive or...” I swallow hard, squeezing my eyes shut from the thought.