Page 74 of Worthy of Sunsets and Second Chances

“Is that why you didn’t really come back? Why things were so different after that year?” Hannah wipes a tear of her own.

“Yes, it was a huge part of it. Being here was too hard. And I had a lot of personal things going on. Staying away from Fox Grove was what I thought was the best thing for me, until it wasn’t. When my nana died and gave me the cabin, I realized this is where I needed to be to let myself heal even if Eli was in the same town.”

“I thought you were mad at me. I’m sorry we’re not as close as we could be,” Hannah admits.

“Well all that changes now. It was never your fault, and I wasn’t mad at you. I promise to not keep you at arm’s length anymore. I thought that I was protecting myself, trying to keep my bubble Eli-free. Then this one”—I point at Lainey—“had to go and fall in love and marry his best friend. Kind of hard to stay away from him after that.” All the girls laugh and fall on me in a big group hug.

“We are not going to let you close yourself off anymore,” Lainey says. “You wouldn’t let any of us do it.”

“That’s true,” I admit.

“We love you,” Sutton says, dabbing her eyes.

“I love all of you too, and I’m so fucking happy you didn’t quit on me or let me hide any more. I needed tonight.”

“We all needed tonight. Next time we will be doing a girls’ night in your newly finished cozy cabin,” Lainey cheers, picking up her wineglass for a toast.

Clicking our glasses together I plaster a smile on my face but feel a sinking dread at the idea of going back to that place alone and not being here with Eli and Wren every day.

58

Kendra

Christmas is next week and my cabin is officially done. Easton and Eli made me promise with half a dozen different types of swears and fancy handshakes that I wouldn’t go back over there without them because they had some grand reveal planned for when Eli got off his next shift tomorrow.

It is so so so tempting to go alone, but I won’t do it. They worked too hard for me to spoil this for them.

Plus, I have bigger things going on. This is my first time watching Wren totally on my own overnight. When Eli’s home we do all her routines together; he is insistent on looping me into everything. It never feels like it’s them against me, or that I am an interloper in their lives. Eli has made me fully a part of it, claimed me, connected us, made me more comfortable here than I ever thought possible.

Holly normally takes Wren every time Eli is on shift. It’s the plan they came up with when she was born, and I take zero offense that it’s what they stuck to even after I healed enough to help out more. Me staying here full time was never in the cards, and keeping Wren on her schedule is important. This shift however, Holly is sick, so it’s just been me and Wren . . . and it has been everything. I wish I could have this all the time, and that thought makes me feel selfish and unmoored.

I’m moving out—soon—and Wren isn’t my daughter. Her dark hair, deep navy-blue eyes, and adorable dimple are one hundred percent Eli. When I look at her, I can’t help but wonder what traits of her birth mother she has. Her nose? Will Wren have her same laugh? There is one thing I know for sure, Wren has nothing from me. I have no claim over her even though I love her as deeply as if she were my own flesh and blood.

She babbles and flaps her hands around with some fussiness. Her gummy smile absolutely melts me into a puddle as I scoop her into my arms from her spot on the floor where she was playing with an assortment of toys without her normal enthusiasm.

“Alright, peanut. It’s bath time. I happen to know your favorite yellow ducky friend and his favorite purple pelican pal are waiting for us right where we left them on the edge of the tub.”

I kiss her neck rolls as we go up the stairs and she lets out a raspy squeal of delight.

“You are a little warm. All that kicking your feet give you a workout? Just like your dada, huh? He’s going to be teaching you all kinds of crazy moves before we know it.” Wren snuggles into me and yawns. “Okay, I know. We’ll make this a quick one.”

After a fast bath, I put Wren in my favorite pajamas for her that are covered in baby farm animals. She rubs her eyes and coughs roughly a few times as I make her bottle. I pray she’s not getting whatever Holly has.

We make our way back up to her nursery and settle into the rocking chair. I slip the bottle into her mouth and Wren lazily starts to drink. Normally she is a voracious eater, so I feel her head again and she’s still a bit warm.

My phone pings with a text.

Eli: How are my girls?

Photo: Wren in her pajamas drinking a bottle

Kendra: Just finished bath time. She’s sleepy and a little warm. Not her usual hungry, but still very snuggly.

My phone immediately rings and I answer.

“Hello?”

“Is she okay?” a worried Eli demands.