Page 112 of Touch of Class

“Oh no,” Daphne pushed. “You were on quite a roll. Something about me living on my whims and not thinking about how my decisions might affect someone five or ten years down the road. That’s what you said, right?”

“I did,” she admitted, “and I was the one who wasn’t thinking. I’m the one who didn’t understand until Izzy was right here asking me about the exact kind of conversation I feared she’d share in detail with her own therapist someday.” Daphne didn’t laugh. She didn’t even smile at the irony. “You handled it beautifully, though. I don’t even know how you did it. You didn’t lie or quite redirect …” Gillian tried to replay the parts of the discussion she could remember.

“I answered the questions she asked,” Daphne said plainly, “all while you were stuck trying to figure out how to answer the questions you were afraid she was going to ask.”

Gillian struggled to make sense of that, and it must’ve shown on her face.

“Izzy didn’t ask if we’d had sex. She didn’t even ask if you’d spent the night, so I didn’t address those things,” Daphne explained. “She asked what we were doing, so I told her we were having tea. But now, I’ll ask you the same thing, and unlike my eleven-year-old, who has no reason not to take an answer at face value, I do want the answer to the question you’re afraid of. What are we doing here, Gillian?”

“Are you sure I can’t go with, ‘we’re having tea’?”

Daphne shook her head. “You and me, what’s happening between us?”

“I don’t know. It’s still so new.”

“Except it’s not completely,” Daphne pushed. “It’s also old and deep, and it’s getting awfully intertwined with our work lives. It’s already intertwined with my home life and my kid, who adores you.”

“I feel the same way about her. That won’t change.” Gillian could at least swear to that much. “But I think maybe we need to talk about how we feel about each other without Izzy in the equation.”

“Absolutely not,” Daphne snapped. “I mean, I am happy to talk about my feelings for you. They’re big and strong and complex, but Izzy will never be out of the equation for me, so none of that matters if you don’t have ‘family’ written somewhere on that five-year plan of yours.”

Gillian froze again, her brain spinning quickly.

“Well?” Daphne pushed. “You won’t swerve even a little bit for an exciting new job prospect. I don’t think it’s unfair of me to ask what else is nonnegotiable.”

“No.” She blew out a heavy breath. “It’s not unfair. I just don’t have a ready and polished answer.”

“Then what about an honest and messy one?”

“I guess … I did always think … I mean … I meant to have a relationship and probably a family someday. I wanted that, and I thought it would happen when the time was right, when I was ready and secure. I wanted the time and the situation to be right and stable, though admittedly, I would’ve expected that to be sooner, but again the last few years—”

“Yeah. I know.” Daphne cut her off. “Things haven’t gone to plan for you. Despite the fact that you have a thriving business and amazing friends and a great life, it hasn’t been clean and easy enough, and I have to admit I’m not sure I’ll ever be either of those things, either. A relationship with me will likely always be a little complex, a little chaotic, a little unorthodox. I might not ever fit neatly into your business plan, and I’m not sure my ROI will ever be high enough for what you’re looking for.”

“Wait a second.” Gillian cut back in. “This is all happening too fast. I haven’t even had time to think. Are you breaking things off with me already?”

“No.” Daphne laughed mirthlessly. “The last week has proven I’m not nearly strong enough. If I had any fortitude around you, things would never have gotten this far in the first place. I guess I’m relying on you to do that, if it’s what you want. You’re clearly the serious one with all the willpower and clear boundaries, so I’m asking you to think about that five-year plan of yours sooner rather than later.”

“But what about what you want?”

“That’s something I’m willing to grapple with every day, and I think I’ve made it abundantly clear I do want you quite a bit, but I’m someone who has always believed I can have it all. I’ve always had faith in my ability to mix it up and bend the road to my will, and yes, I’ve had to swerve quite a few times.” Daphne smiled at her. “I’m okay with imperfection, but if you aren’t, you need to be honest with both of us before multiple hearts get broken.”

“Daphne, I don’t know if I’m ready to make a decision that could—”

“And that’s okay,” Daphne said evenly. “You shouldn’t rush this. In fact, I think you should go.”

“You’re throwing me out?”

“No,” Daphne said. “I’m respecting your process. I’m giving you time and space. Introvert about this. Make a chart or pro/con list or whatever you do. Get into that most impressive brain of yours.”

“What about you?” The ache in Gillian’s chest spread.

“I’ll be here, or right across the hall, whenever you’re ready. I’ll be happy to talk things through with you or work things out or try to make sense of anything if you decide that’s what you want, but it has to be your choice, because I refuse to become one more item on that long list of provocations you keep using as an excuse not to move forward.”

“Daphne,” Gillian pleaded, though for what she wasn’t sure. She hated the distance between them, but she couldn’t bring herself to close it. She knew what was being asked of her was both right and fair. Daphne deserved those answers. Hell, she wanted them for herself, but their magnitude had the power to rearrange her life, her sense of self, forever.

Daphne stepped forward and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. “It’s okay. Whatever you decide will be okay. Do you know what I realized last night?”

“What?”