Page 63 of Touch of Class

“Shocking,” Daphne said, her voice once again full of humor. “There is no clinical study to determine whether or not the two of us, personally, would dislike each other less if we’d kissed in high school?”

“I didn’t mean to suggest …” Gillian rubbed her face with her hands. “I was merely reiterating there’s no way for us to know.”

“Especially since you prefer ‘clinical observation’ to ‘experiential learning’ or whatever you said that Brooke called the most formal way to say you don’t want a hug. If only you could clinically observe us kissing.”

Gillian understood she was being teased again, but it did nothing to undercut the seriousness of the ideas flooding her brain. “But I did, eventually, allow you to hug me.”

“And your world didn’t crumble.”

She cocked her head to the side, not sure that was true. She did at least feel her foundations shaking.

“Are you seriously considering …”

“No,” she said quickly, then caught herself. Was she? “Sawyer and Robin reauthored their prom experiences last year with great success, at least in the moment, but the day after there was more … chaos.”

“And again, we know how you feel about chaos.”

“I prefer to think the universe has given me repeated opportunities to practice my distress tolerance.”

This time when Daphne laughed it was a full, rolling sound, the same one that had reverberated through her dreams for years, and Gillian winced, in spite of all she’d learned recently.

“I’m sorry.” Daphne reached forward, catching her by the shoulders. “Gillian, I’m not laughing at you, only at the situation. I swear.”

She nodded but couldn’t unclench her jaw enough to speak.

“Don’t do this again,” Daphne pleaded. “We are adults. You are literally an expert in trauma and recovery and how to process shit, so we don’t have to do the same things we did as teens.”

The statement of her credentials went a long way to soothe Gillian’s fraying nerves, but perhaps not as much as Daphne’s soothing, steadying hold on her. Her hands were strong and gentle at the same time. Gillian felt a calm come over her the likes of which she’d used every method she knew to try to summon without success.

Daphne was here right now, present and accepting, the way she’d claimed to be all those years ago. Gillian knew the consequences of missing that opportunity then, or perhaps the consequences of not being brave enough to seize the opportunity through the awkwardness. Did she want to face that again?

“No,” Gillian whispered.

Daphne immediately released her. “No?”

She shook her head. “I didn’t mean ‘no,’ as in, ‘I don’t consent to be touched.’ I meant ‘no, I don’t want to repeat a trauma and shame cycle.’”

Daphne raised her eyebrows. “You do consent to be touched?”

She sighed, a shuddering sort of sound at the shiver that question sent through her. If she was going to take the next step, she needed to do so with a clear head and a calm center. “I consent to trying something different. To seeing if we could make new meaning. To rewrite whatever I authored incorrectly, by deliberately—”

“—kissing me.” Daphne finished the sentence bluntly.

She nodded slowly.

“For research?” Daphne asked with the playful lilt back in her voice.

Gillian nodded again, waiting for the shame to spike in her.

Daphne pressed her lips together as if trying hard not to smile without quite succeeding.

“It’s absurd,” Gillian said flatly. “I’m being absurd.”

It was Daphne’s turn to nod. “Ridiculously absurd.”

Gillian started to step back, but Daphne caught hold of her again, this time with one hand curled around her right arm. “That’s not a condemnation. I like absurd, Gillian. I like the side of you that’s willing to brave the prospect of looking silly in order to satisfy your very rational brain. It’s complex and counterintuitive to take something full of emotion and wrestle it into some sort of rational experiment, but it’s also very you. Logical research is as true to Gillian DeGarmo as laughing about overwhelm is to me.”

“What are you saying?” Gillian needed to make 100 percent sure she didn’t misread another signal.