Page 143 of Before We Break

I set the jar in the center of the plywood table, eyeing up the rest of the weapons hanging on the wall. With a tire iron in my hand, I close my eyes and inhale a fortifying breath. Aunt Penny would understand. In fact, she would be right here by my side smashing things if she knew what I’d been through these last nine months. I’d like to think she’d even be a little proud.

It only takes one good swing and red porcelain shatters across the room, hundreds of pennies cascading to the floor like a beautiful copper waterfall.

Tears roll down my cheeks, blurring my vision. When my time is up and the music stops, I drop the tire iron at my side and tug off my gloves, running my thumb over my last lucky penny. It was never really about luck—it was about keeping her memory alive, and I have that now, etched into my skin forever. If nothing else, I can say Noah gave me that.

After one final look back, I step out of the room and into the arms of my best friend and my sister. They hold me while I cry, and I let them because I don’t know how to do anything else.

NOAH

With Auggie clinging to my back like a koala bear, I step inside the elevator in Emma’s apartment building.

“Can I press the button?” he asks. “Please.”

I crouch so he can hop off my back and instruct him to press the number three.

He stares at me like I have two heads. “I know what number it is.”

I lean back against the railing and hold up my hands. “My bad.”

He presses the button and mirrors my stance, but when he does, the elevator jerks, and his left processor pops off, magnetizing to the handrail.

“What the?” He looks both ways over his shoulders, trying to find it until he finally gives up and spins all the way around, plucking it off the handrail.

I help him reattach it as we arrive at the third floor. The doors creak open much more slowly than they should.

We’re definitely taking the stairs on the way down.

“Uncle Noah?” Auggie says as we step out of the shoddy elevator.

“Yeah, buddy?”

“When can I see Cici? I miss her.”

I miss her, too.

“You’ll see her on your first day of school.”

“But I wanna see her now.”

“I know, but she’s with her sister right now. We—you have to be patient.”

He pouts all the way down the hallway until we stop outside of Emma’s apartment door. “How about this… I’ll text Lexi and see if you can FaceTime with Cici later, ok?”

He beams like I just promised him a puppy, and I can’t say I blame him. I’d give anything for one glimpse, one touch, one more smile. I miss her smile the most. She was never too much. She was everything.

I don’t bother knocking, and Auggie’s a blur before the door closes. He runs into Jonah’s arms, nearly bringing him to his ass.

Jonah palms the back of Auggie’s head and buries his face in his neck, but not before I catch a glimpse of his tear-filled eyes.

A lump lodges in my throat, and I force myself to look away.

Emma’s apartment is like a black hole with dark walls and furniture to match. She has a giant Luna moth tapestry hanging above the couch, with twinkle lights surrounding it; a deck of tarot cards is laid out on the table beside several used candles and a collection of crystals.

She steps beside me, misty-eyed as she watches Jonah and Auggie.

I wrap my arm around her and squeeze. “How is he?”

“Better than I expected. Thanks for agreeing to meet us here.”