Page 23 of Before We Break

“What? It’s just a kiss. Nothing to be embarrassed about.”

“The kiss?” I only manage to squeak out those two meager words.

Lexi tugs on her sleeves, fidgeting with the fabric. “We… uh… yeah. I mean. We haven’t, but… it’s a… thing.”

Janet comes out of the break room and slides in next to Callie. “I remember my first kiss. Starling Falls, 1969. Bobby Danvers. Too much tongue.” She grabs the handle of the returns cart and starts walking away. “His brother, Mikey, though, that boy knew what he was doin’.”

As Janet disappears down a row of shelves, the three of us exchange glances and burst into laughter. Janet shushes us from a distance.

I slide the bowl of mac and cheese to the other side of the counter and prop myself on my elbows across from Lexi as she digs in. “So. Hayden.”

Lexi groans around her fork. “Do we have to talk about this?”’

I give her an affectionate smile. “No. But I’m here if you need a sounding board.”

“Sure. I’ll tell you all about Hayden when you admit you have a fat crush on Noah.”

“I do not have a crush on Noah.”

“Oh, come on, Mom. The only person who hasn’t noticed is Noah.”

I grab an extra fork and steal a hot dog slice from her bowl. I don’t care what anyone says, mac and cheese with hot dogs is a delicacy. “I promise, if there’s ever anything to tell you, I will.”

“You’re allowed to date, you know? You deserve to be happy, too. You’ve spent your whole adult life being a mom. It’s ok to put yourself first for once.”

“Truth is, I don’t know how to do that.”

“What do you mean?”

“I was never anybody’s priority. Growing up, my parents… well, they weren’t good people. Your grandpa died when I was little. After that, your grandmother became someone I didn’t recognize anymore. She got remarried to a terrible monster and”—I inhale a fortifying breath and blow it out again—“I’ll spare you the details. When I left that place with you in my belly, I swore to myself that I would never bring anyone into your life who could cause you harm. I kept that promise, and I don’t regret it.”

She takes my hand, grounding me back to reality. In many ways, Lexi and I grew up together. I’ll always be her mom, but there are moments when I relish the closeness we share outside the mother-daughter relationship. It’s a bond unlike any other—the one I wish I could’ve had with my mother had she not let her demons get the better of her.

“You can let it go now, Mom. I’m a big girl. You can’t keep protecting me at the cost of your own happiness.”

“When did my little Alexandra get to be so wise?”

She shrugs. “Birth.”

A laugh bubbles out of me. “Yeah. Aunt Penny used to say you were wise beyond your years, but you’ll always be my little girl. Even when you’re married with a family of your own.”

“She also said you should get it while you’re still young.”

“Lexi!”

“What? It was Aunt Penny, not me.”

Her expression sobers, and she sets down her fork. “What was it like? Your first time having…”

“Sex isn’t a bad word, Lex.”

“I know. It’s just awkward .”

“Well, you already know about protection and consent. What else do you want to know?”

“Was it romantic?”

“Honestly?” I laugh. “No. Not even a little bit. We were just two clumsy kids bumping heads and trying to figure out where to put our hands. It was… awkward.”