Page 89 of Before We Break

“She was a lot like you. Always smiling and laughing. Never lashed out in anger or had a cruel word to say about anyone, even in the end.” For the first time since I walked away from our old house a few weeks ago, I let my mind wander to happier times. “She had her flaws, but nothing ever broke her spirit.”

“She sounds wonderful, but you give me way too much credit. I’ve been broken down more times than I can count.”

“But you didn’t let it define you. I… admire that about you.”

“You do?”

“Of course. Why wouldn’t I? You’re amazing, Clio.”

She chews on her bottom lip and stares up at the ceiling. “I’m a lot. I know I’m a lot. Too much, even. Or so I’ve been told.”

I want to strangle every person who made her feel that way. “Give me names, Clio.”

She giggles. “It’s fine. I’m fine. If it weren’t for Aunt Penny, I might’ve let it break me, but she was always there to remind me of my worth. She always said, ‘If you’re too much, let them go find less.’”

She swallows like she just tasted something sour.

I sweep a lock of hair away from her forehead. “You miss her.”

“More than anything in the world. I’d give anything to hear her voice one more time.”

“I know the feeling.”

“Your mom?”

I respond with a solemn nod. “It’s been so long, I don’t even remember the last thing she said to us. It’s so easy to forget things like that. You never think it’s going to be the last time.”

“Until it is.” She coasts her finger over my thigh tattoo next, whispering the words to the Yeats poem in a soothing cadence, almost like a lullaby. If you ignore the sentiment, it could be.

He that made this knows all the cost, for he gave all his heart and lost.

“A warning?” she asks.

“More like a promise.”

“That’s awfully cynical. Love isn’t all bad.”

“Love is a death sentence.”

I can tell she wants to press me on it, but her chest expands on a slow inhale, and she lets the words die on her tongue.

After a prolonged silence, she asks, “If you could live anywhere in the world, would you still choose Willow Valley?”

“I think so. It’s always been home for me. What about you?”

I feel her nod against me. “I love it here. It’s the first place that’s ever really felt like home to me.”

What is it about this woman that makes me want to know more?

“Not even North Carolina?”

“No. Maybe it was at one time, but now that Penny’s gone, I don’t think I can ever go back.” She traces the tail of my luna moth, and my stomach contracts beneath her touch. “I’d like to get a little house here someday. Put down roots. Just something small for me and Lexi. A place she can come home to on breaks from college or wherever life takes her.”

“That sounds nice.”

“Mhm. I always wanted to get a dog.” Her voice fades and an exhale whispers against my skin as her eyes drift shut, her palm resting over my heart.

A heavy silence settles around us. I glide one hand up and down her back and rest the other behind my head, staring up at the ceiling as my thoughts trail back to the empty house on Darling Street with the yellow shutters and the handprints in the yard. Only, it’s not my mom standing in the kitchen window this time.