Page 119 of The Ashborn

He softened. “Do you regret coming with me?”

“I chose to come here, Connak.” She sighed, weary from the months of unexpected worlds waiting beyond River Storm. She thought back to her conversations with him in her mind when she lay in her room at River Storm, painting worlds and imagining a life that didn’t involve tyranny or control. She closed her eyes, feeling the weight of it all. “You spent a lot of time promising me a new world, and you brought me to it. I don’t regret it in the slightest. But you also withheld a lot of your expectations of me when we got out.”

“What expectations are on your shoulders that you can’t meet?” Connak asked.

“The Elvish expect me to be Kalyra. Tristian wants me to be the Ashborn. I don’t know who any of those people are.” She paused to put more of her feelings into words. “I’m not pulling away, but your promises missed a lot of details. It doesn’t feel fair.”

“You’re right.” Connak shifted his body to face her. “It isn’t fair. I’m sorry I misled you. I’m sorry I hurt you. That I couldn’t be the one to spark you back to life. But we are here. Now. We need to figure out how to move on and live through it.”

The seriousness of Connak’s words dug a heel into Kienna’s already bruised chest. She felt pride in the small feat she accomplished in the barricades. Guilt from lost lives and pain. And a twinge of fear knowing she would have to stand in front of a cold and overbearing council that would cast judgments on her.

Connak scooted closer, resting his arms over his knees with a wary exhale. “Tislin would’ve known what to say,” he muttered, voice dry. “He studied prophecies and history to find his way around the Accords.”

Kienna thought back to all her interactions with the elusive Shadowmaster. Everything he said was so formal, and he loved the lore of the world. Her eyes fell, brimming with tears.

“He’d probably scold me for sulking this long. Or throw an acorn at my head.” Connak looked sideways at Kienna, attempting a smirk, but the gleam in his eyes didn’t quite reach. The smile faded as quickly as it came.

“Can you at least help me understand Tristian?” Kienna asked. She didn’t expect an answer, but she needed to ask it. “He’s there all the time, pushing me into this. I don’t understand what he gains from all of it.”

Connak exhaled, the breath catching on something raw in his chest. “He’s a damn good leader, but he’s terrible with the emotions of it all. He’s already accepted his place in it, so he has a hard time understanding why some of us are more reluctant. Even when he denies other truths.”

Kienna let Connak’s words sit with her. “Tristian’s place in what? What is he denying?”

He offered a perception of a grin as he studied her, the heaviness in her breath pulling his eyes toward her hand. He took it gently, running his fingers over the fine lines of fading scars, reminders of battles that neither of them truly walked away from. “Do you remember our night on the ship?” he asked.

Kienna pursed her lips and darted her attention between the large stumps of trees and fireflies dancing along the base of the forest. “We don’t have to do this.”

“We do. It’s time you knew. Tristian wanted to wait until you took your place as the Ashborn, but I’ll take the heat for it.” Connak pulled Kienna’s chin toward him as she tried to look away. How could she tell him she didn’t know how she felt? “The bonds,” he assured her. “Tristian is bonded to your heart. Your parents wanted to make sure you had someone who would never fail to protect you through this.”

A laugh escaped Kienna’s lips, startled and brittle. “He can barely tolerate me.”

“True.” Connak shrugged. “He doesn’t want to believe in those tales either. And he was there when it happened. Maybe they tell us these things so they can play matchmaker.”

Kienna’s smile faded as she considered this. There were strange sparks between her and Tristian when their skin touched, something so faint they could miss it if they weren’t paying attention. She thought back to the first time his hand brushed hers, and it nearly took her breath away. Then her mind wandered to the fact that being in his presence revolted her and seemed to do the same for him. He called her a curse.

“Do you believe it?”

Connak nodded, slowly this time. “I do. Because when Vaerin rose to power, they bonded you again. To someone who could find you if your heart failed.”

Kienna froze. “How many people do you think I’m bound to?”

“Two,” he said. “One to guard your heart; the other to guard your mind.”

She searched his face, brows dipped low. Connak held a softness to his eyes, the forest green wrapping her in a blanket of safety.

“The second bond… It’s you.”

“It’s me.”

Kienna searched her feelings, but the conflict in her remained. What did this mean for her? For them? What came with a bond? “Does this mean I’m supposed to love him? Or you?”

“No. A bond is protection. Nothing more,” he said. “I’d be lying if I said I didn’t hope you already did, though.”

She shoved him lightly, but with less bite. “You know what I mean!”

Connak’s eyes gleamed, the life in his green specks returning to the forest. “You can love anyone, Kienna, honestly, and I wouldn’t give up on what we believe you can do. We aren’t drawn to you because of the bonds. We know how strong you truly are, and we believe in who you are.”

There was a comfortable silence between them as Kienna felt the weight of it.