Page 17 of Vain and Useless

“Do you not? The receipts I hold of the debts you left in Lambton and Kympton say otherwise. If you have changed your ways, I shall send for them, and you may settle them like an honest man.”

“I…” Mr Wickham seemed to flounder for a moment, then drew himself up and cast a derisive look at Mr Darcy. “When will you cease these lies?” he boldly asked, then looked about at the spellbound audience and, addressing them, claimed, “Old Mr Darcy, this man’s father, was my godfather. Darcy has always hated me because my godfather loved me so well, and whenever we happen to meet, he blackens my name to all and sundry.”

“The liar, sir, is you.” Heads turned to Mr Bingley at this surprising declaration. He looked down from his horse upon Mr Wickham with disgust. “I doubt you recognise me from your final year at Cambridge, for it was my first. But I recall even now that at the opening of my second, when you and Darcy were both gone away, there was talk of the debts you had left behind you there. Debts to merchants, and debts of honour…to both gentlemen and ladies.”

This hint that Mr Wickham had engaged in seduction as well as profligacy was met with gasps.

“Rumours seeded by Darcy upon his departure, I do not doubt,” Mr Wickham asserted.

Elizabeth was edging away from him before she had consciously formed the thought that she should. The worst she knew of Mr Darcy was that he could be a little selfish and speak without considering the effect of his words, a crime of which she thought few people completely innocent. She knew also that everyone at Netherfield would give him an excellent character, and if she did not much respect the opinions of the Hursts, she sincerely valued the Bingleys’.

“I have long spoken of you as little as I possibly could,” Darcy countered sharply. “That is why I have never called in the debts I settled for you. If you insist that they are fictions, however, I shall be forced to clear my name with these good people here. I could have your notes in hand on the morrow, for they are with my man in London.” He smiled thinly. “My cousin the colonel is also in London, as it happens. He will be interested to know that you have joined His Majesty’s forces.”

Mr Wickham blanched, and Elizabeth saw her neighbours take note of it just as she did. “I have not yet joined,” he said sourly, “and now I see that I cannot. Darcy derides me for having no profession, but insinuates that his cousin will make a career in the militia unpleasant for me. It has ever been thus—whatever I attempt, he opposes, and since he is rich and well-connected, he succeeds.”

“The only power my cousin has to make your service in the militia unpleasant is in his ability to inform your colonel of your character, claims you could overturn simply by living honestly. But you will prefer to run away rather than do that.”

Mr Wickham sneered and turned to Mr Denny, saying that he would return to the inn and get the next post-coach to London, expressing regret that they were not to be comrades in arms. But even Denny appeared mistrustful of him now, offering no arguments against the plan and only thanking him for the pleasure of his company these past days. Mr Wickham made a mocking bow to the silent assemblage which had witnessed the confrontation, spun on his heel, and walked off towards the inn alone.

“What a lucky escape this place has had!” commented Bingley brightly as people began to shuffle their feet and look at each other to determine if their own astonishment and titillation at the scene was shared. A sudden swell of excited chatter replaced the silence.

Mr Darcy leant towards his friend and spoke with him briefly. Bingley nodded to him and dismounted, approaching Jane and enquiring after her health. Mr Darcy then tipped his hat to the cluster of Bennets, saying, “I fear I now have urgent business to which I must attend, though I should much prefer to be here among friends on such a fine day.”

He looked to Elizabeth as he stated his desire to remain, and she wondered at it. Could he regret the loss of time in her company in particular? Before she could come to any conclusion, he tipped his hat to them all once more and wheeled his mount about, riding off in the direction of Netherfield.

CHAPTER 14

On their walk back to Longbourn, once Kitty and Lydia had run ahead to acquaint the household with the day’s excitement, Jane told Elizabeth, “Mr Bingley said that Mr Darcy felt he must immediately write to his cousin—one Colonel Fitzwilliam, if I recall aright—and tell him that Mr Wickham had been seen and attempted to besmirch their family name.”

“Cousin Jane! Did you say ‘Fitzwilliam’?” cried Mr Collins, who remained all but glued to Elizabeth’s other side.

“I did.”

“And are you certain that is the name of Mr Darcy’s cousin?”

“Fairly certain,” Jane agreed. “I suppose I may be mistaken, but I do think that was it.”

“Why, this is extraordinary! When I heard the name Darcy, I did not think too much of it, for there are several notable families by that name. But there cannot be two who are cousins to the Fitzwilliams! This Mr Darcy must be Lady Catherine’s nephew!”

Elizabeth had to bite her lip to restrain a laugh. If Mr Collins were correct, this must be the disagreeable aunt Mr Darcy had mentioned to her. Her cousin’s praise of Lady Catherine de Bourgh had painted a portrait of a lady who wished to be seen as he saw her, all-wise and implausibly perfect, but was in reality an officious, meddlesome termagant. She mastered her urge to laugh as the man peppered Jane with questions, not pausing long enough to receive an answer. When at last he was forced to draw breath, Elizabeth intervened.

“Mr Collins, I assure you, this is the first we have heard of any Fitzwilliams connected to Mr Darcy. We cannot satisfy your curiosity. I am certain you will be introduced to the gentleman at some time during your stay, however, so you may have the opportunity to ask your questions of one who is able to answer them.”

As she spoke, she privately resolved to write to Miss Bingley without delay and ask that she warn Mr Darcy of what awaited him should he call at Longbourn. This would require that she lay bare her cousin’s foolishness, but she was confident that her friend would not hold it against her. She bore patiently with Mrs Bennet and Kitty and Lydia, after all, and Mr Collins would soon be gone. What Mr Darcy would think of the warning, she could not guess, and resolved not to dwell upon.

The clergyman was disappointed; he could not understand how his cousins had failed to extract a complete genealogy from the fine gentleman in their midst, nor how that gentleman had not published his connexion to Lady Catherine to public acclaim. He began to doubt his supposition, and by the time they arrived at the house was more than half convinced that Jane had mistaken the name and that this Mr Darcy was associated with the Fitzwarrens, or perhaps the Fitzwalters of Cumberland.

The writing of her letter to her friend was delayed for some time, as Mrs Bennet demanded reports of the confrontation in Meryton from all three of them, having heard her youngest daughters’ accounts. It was apparent that Lydia and Kitty had taken Mr Wickham’s side, for no other reason but that he was handsome and had made a comment on how pretty the ladies of Hertfordshire were upon being introduced to them; they declared that no one so handsome could really be a scoundrel. It was left to Elizabeth to point out that Mr Darcy was also handsome so there must be one well-favoured man speaking untruths, and also that an honest man should have stayed and defended his honour rather than catching the next post out of town; all Mr Wickham needed to do, if he were in the right, was wait a few days for Mr Darcy to fail to produce the notes he claimed to have. To this, the girls had no reply. Mrs Bennet, at least, was swayed by her second daughter’s logic and declared that she was very happy her daughters would not be forced to meet such a man in company.

Elizabeth’s letter was eventually written and dispatched close to dinner time, and a reply received the next morning. Miss Bingley was amused by Elizabeth’s account of her cousin, it was clear, but related that Mr Darcy had been duly warned, and had replied that he was indeed nephew to Lady Catherine de Bourgh, and how strange it was that the lady’s parson should be a relation of the Bennets. Elizabeth was free to confirm the connexion or not, as she chose; Mr Darcy would meet the man at some time or another, and was now prepared to be interrogated.

Still, it surprised her when he was among the party that called on Longbourn the following day. Mr Bingley had set the date of his ball for Tuesday, and he, his sisters, and his friend had come to convey the invitation to the Bennets personally. Even the agreeable news of such an amusement so soon to be enjoyed was not sufficient to keep Mr Collins at bay for long, however. He shuffled his feet, he coughed into his hand, he ensured that his hostess could not forget his presence. When the introduction was made, he hardly even nodded at Mr Bingley and his sisters, so eager was he to converse with Mr Darcy. The gentleman from Derbyshire stood clearly bemused as the clergyman rattled on about Lady Catherine, her daughter, the health of both, and the great good fortune he had in being admitted to their company.

This had an effect beneficial to all the other inhabitants of the room, in freeing them from Mr Collins’s conversation to pursue their own. Mrs Bennet and Kitty and Lydia exclaimed to Mr Bingley their delight in a ball, and even Mary conceded that she did not mind passing an occasional evening in such a manner, while Mrs Hurst stood impatiently at her brother’s side. As those ladies had their say, Miss Bingley drew Jane and Elizabeth to the side and expressed her pleasure in being able to return the hospitality the neighbourhood had shown her brother’s party. She also made a delicate comment about their cousin and his devotion to all things and people associated with his patroness.

Elizabeth agreed that he was an unusual sort of fellow, and suggested that perhaps they should attempt to rescue Mr Darcy from him. In accord, the ladies then approached and Miss Bingley selflessly tried to attract the clergyman’s attention to herself by enquiring about his parish. Though he seemed happy to be asked, he answered her only briefly before returning his conversation to Mr Darcy.

Even he had to draw breath eventually, and as his speech could not be diverted, Elizabeth took the opportunity to draw the other gentleman’s instead, saying, “Mr Darcy, I must thank you for speaking when you saw Mr Wickham in our midst. I know that when I come unexpectedly upon someone I find disagreeable, my first hope is to avoid them, but had you done so he should have been established in our midst for many months to come. His manners were very amiable; without your testimony, we should no doubt have welcomed and trusted him.”