Page 176 of The Encore’s Crown

“For one second, I forgot I had to erase you. I posted a picture from dinner with my boyfriend, and you reacted like I’d exposed something shameful.”

Rithy’s voice comes back so clearly he might as well be standing in the room.

Don’t keep her hidden so long she starts feeling like something you’re ashamed of.

Fuck.

I'd been so lost in this thing with her that I convinced myself everything was fine. We were together. We talked every day. I touched her every chance I had. I knew I loved her with a certainty that should have frightened me more than anything ever has. I hadn't said it yet, but I would. I just needed the right time. That's all. I thought that was enough. I thought if I made her feel wanted when we were alone, it canceled out every time I asked her to disappear outside these walls. Natalia wipes angrily beneath one eye.

“I don’t need some huge announcement. I’m not asking you to put me onstage and dedicate an album to me. I just don’t want to feel like the second someone might find out, you regret being with me.”

“I have never regretted you. Not once.”

“Every time you panic, I’m back there waiting for the call where you tell me this was fun but there’s no future.”

That one hurts. She turns away and I catch her hand, but I don’t pull her back.

“I’m scared, Nat.”

She stops. The admission feels worse than taking a fist to the mouth.

“I’m not ashamed of you,” I say. “I’m terrified of how much I have to lose.”

She looks over her shoulder. Her fingers soften slightly between mine. She resists for one breath, then folds into my chest. My arms lock around her, and hers circle my waist above the towel.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper into her hair. “I made you feel hidden but I'm the one that's hiding.”

“It was shitty.”

“It was.”

“You ruined dinner and you made me kill a plant.”

I kiss the top of her head.

“I’ll buy another one.”

She sniffles as I draw back enough to see her face.

“Anything else you need to throw? Will that make you feel better?”

Her eyes move toward the lamp.

"That isn't flammable?"

“I’m done.”

“Thank fuck.”

I wipe beneath her eyes with both thumbs.

“I’ll tell Rafe when we’re back in L.A. next month. I promise. Okay?” I tighten my arms around her. “I just want a little more time with you before it all goes to hell with their judgmental bullshit. I want to relax and spend some actual quality time with my girlfriend. Is that so wrong?”

She gives me a damp, skeptical look.

“Very official. Wow. Girlfriend managed to come out of your mouth once. How dare I complain?”

“I’m rusty with all the labels and shit.” I brush a strand of hair away from her face. “How about the woman who holds my heart in her sexy, perfectly manicured hands?”