Page 178 of The Encore’s Crown

Natalia reaches for the sheet and pulls it higher over herself even though she wasn’t concerned with being naked ten seconds ago.

“That’ll be good.”

“Nat.”

“What?”

“You’re doing that thing.”

Her mouth tightens.

“I said it was nice.”

She looks away. I stare at the side of her face, trying to force the words through whatever is crushing my throat. Then I lift my left hand between us.

“So,” I say. “You asked about the birds.”

Her gaze drops to the black shapes spread across my hand and knuckles. The murder of crows. She’s traced them before on the rooftop in Seoul. Kissed them. Asked what they meant again while we were half asleep. I always gave her some bullshit answer about liking the design. I turn my hand palm down and hold it out to her.

“They cover the worst of the scars.”

Her expression changes. She takes my hand carefully, like she’s afraid sudden movement might make me pull it back. Her thumb follows the wing of one crow, then moves over the uneven skin beneath the ink. I stare at our hands.

“From beating the shit out of my father.”

Her thumb stops. The silence after that feels endless.

“He liked throwing us around.” I keep my eyes fixed on the tattoos. “Ma. Rithy. Me. Didn’t really matter who. If dinner wasn’t made right, Ma got her ass beat. If Rithy needed help with his math homework and didn’t understand the first explanation, he got his ass beat. If I left some stupid toy in the hallway and Dad kicked it with his foot, I'd get mine.”

I can feel her looking at me, but I can’t meet her eyes yet.

“That was his language,” I say. “That and drinking himself fucking stupid.”

Her fingers close around mine.

“You don’t have to tell me this.”

“Yeah, I do.” She presses her lips against my shoulder. I exhale through my nose. “I’m trying not to run from it for once.”

She brings my hand to her mouth and kisses one battered knuckle. I stare at that until I can keep going.

“Ma was always too afraid to leave him, he met her in Thailand when she was young. She'd lost all her family in Cambodia. She didn't have anyone to help get us of out of it. So she stayed. When I got older I started working out. I figured if I got big enough, eventually he’d think twice. I’d lift whatever I could find. Weights when I could get them. Furniture. Bags of rice. Anything heavy enough to make me stronger.”

Her other hand moves into my hair, combing slowly through it.

“I wanted to get bigger than him,” I say. “Or at least big enough to stop him putting his hands on everyone.”

“You were literally a child, Kiri.”

“I didn’t feel like one.”

I swallow. Her nails scratch lightly against my scalp, grounding me.

“I was sixteen when he caught Rithy kissing a boy. He'd come home early from the bar. Rithy'd snuck him in, we normally never had people over. They'd been doing homework together, until they weren't.”

Natalia’s hand stills.

“Dad went fucking ballistic. Rith was already on the ground by the time I got to the kitchen. Dad kept hitting him. Kicking him. Rithy was trying to cover his head, and he just kept—”