Page 249 of Fame & Chaos

This time was different.

This time, there was no misunderstanding to hide behind, no hope that time would somehow bring us back together. He knew my one hard limit, and he crossed it anyway. Seeing that photograph of him with Sasha had hurt enough, but hearing her voice on the phone telling him to come back to bed had shattered whatever hope I’d still been clinging to.

I know Caleb wouldn’t deliberately cheat on me.

I believe that with every part of me.

But he still chose to let her into his world, knowing exactly what she was capable of. Whether anything had happened between them or not suddenly didn’t seem to matter. The damage was already done.

It’s February now.

Three months have passed, yet the ache of losing him hasn’t eased in the slightest, and it doesn’t help that I torture myself almost every day.

I tell myself I’m done checking up on him, that I’ll stop searching his name online and finally let him go. Then one weak moment comes along, and before I know it, I’ve wasted an entire afternoon scrolling through photographs of him, interviews with the band, and anything else I can find.

He looks miserable in every picture.

So does Annie.

Seeing them twists something painful inside my chest.

I never see him with another woman, and I hate how relieved that makes me. There haven’t been any more pictures of him with Sasha either, and I’m grateful for that because I honestly think seeing her beside him again would push me over the edge.

Most days, I’m balancing on that edge already. I’m functioning because I have to, not because I want to.

Kenzi finally convinced me to start dating again.

That’s how I met Mick.

He works at a little coffee shop in the city. The first time he served me, he somehow managed to make me smile on a day when I didn’t think I was capable of it. He noticed how miserable I looked, talked to me for a while, and before I left, I realized I felt… lighter.

So when he asked me out, I said “Yes.”

One date became another, and now we’ve officially been together for a month.

He’s a genuinely good man.

Kind.

Patient.

Steady.

Sleeping with him the first time was harder than I ever imagined it would be. Afterward, while he slept peacefully beside me, I locked myself in the bathroom and cried because it felt as though I’d betrayed Caleb.

The second time was easier.

Not because I enjoyed it more, but because it felt less like cheating and more like accepting that my life had changed.

Mick is good to me.

Sex with him is…

Nice.

Comfortable.

But once you’ve experienced something extraordinary, ordinary has a hard time measuring up. That thought alone makes me feel guilty.