Page 45 of Cloverleaf Station

Deysan Moritz had his own set of allies, even now. Elenus Desfontaines had enemies who would use any hint of wrongdoing on his part to diminish his standing on his home planet and make life harder for him. Returning Deysan there, even with all the wrong he’d done, would damage Elenus. Doing whatever he was doing to Moritz right now was probably damaging Elenus—he was determined and strong, but he lacked the instinct for causing pain that had been beaten into Kieron as a child.

It was a conundrum, one that Kieron was going to have to face sooner or later. But not quite yet.

They had to take special protocols reentering the station, thanks to the incredibly radioactive object that was accompanying them. In the end, Kieron used the station to grab onto the piece of his old ship and very carefully winch it into a different hangar, then run decontamination protocols for the whole thing while Catalina went back to her normal berth. Her skin ate radiation for breakfast, so to speak, so compared to the rest of them, she was positively sprightly as they docked, already planning her latest show and projecting pictures across the walls that were so realistic Kieron felt like he’d stumbled into someone’s dream.

“Darling,” Elenus said, one hand shielding his eyes as Catalina’s door opened, “I love you, you know I love you and all your magnificent creativity, but I beg you, please. Less sparkle, or I’m not going to be able to focus my eyes for a week.”

“Sorrrry, Daddee!” The glare diminished, and both Kieron and Elenus sighed with relief.

“Can I have a status check on Hangar Eight, Catie?” Kieron asked as he walked down her ladder. He was itching to go and see the remains himself, to get what was left of Zak into stasis before it decomposed further, but he also wasn’t about to irradiate himself again.

“Yes, Keeeeron. Decontamination protocooools should have the piiiiecess ready for piiiickup in two point four-five standarrrd houuuurs.” She shared the timeline with his implant, which included a nice visual component that showed the ship fragment’s radiation levels fading from bright white into a mellower yellow color.

“Thank you.” He set a mental timer to that approximation, then added another one thirty minutes after that after verifying that it would be midmorning on Trakta. “You’re the best.”

The air turned even pinker, like the walls themselves were blushing under the weight of her regard. “Nooo, youuuuu!”

Kieron chuckled, then headed for his room. He wanted to shower and do some meditation, to get himself ready for handling what was left of his best friend. He didn’t object when Elenus fell into step behind him, keeping his pace leisurely so he didn’t speed right past Kieron. There was a time not so long ago that Elenus would have been delighted to make Kieron hustle to keep up, he knew.

It was nice that they’d come so far. Together. It made him happy and nervous all at the same time because he honestly didn’t know what he was going to do with himself once it ended.

They showered together in silence in Kieron’s bathroom, close but not cloyingly so. Once they were clean and dry, instead of settling into meditation, Kieron tugged Elenus onto his bed and tucked his head into the crook of his lover’s neck, holding him tight around the waist.

“How are you right now?” Elenus asked, running his free hand slowly up and down Kieron’s back.

“I’m …” Kieron thought about it for a second. “Happy. Tired. Excited. Anxious. Disappointed with myself. Angry.” He sighed. “A lot of different things.”

“Mmm.”

“That’s it? Mmm?”

“I mean, I could talk about how all that’s natural, or that confusion is only to be expected, or be a real bitch and say you should focus on the positive, but.” He kissed the top of Kieron’s head. “I’m trying not to overstep. This is a big deal for you, a big … moment. I don’t really think my opinion has much bearing on it.”

He was right, but Kieron kind of wished he wasn’t. If his emotions could be improved by advice, he’d be demanding it constantly, but they couldn’t. He had to figure out and fight through whatever he was feeling by himself. “I couldn’t have done it without you and Catie.”

“Well, we wouldn’t be here without you, so thank yourself.”

Kieron nudged Elenus hard with his chin. “I’m trying to be nice.”

“So am I. You give and give and then get surprised when someone tries to give back. Let it happen. Let us appreciate you. Let us indulge in you while we can.”

Because eventually, it’ll end, Elenus didn’t have to say. Kieron knew he was thinking it. He tilted his head up so they could kiss, warm and so, so soft, then resolutely shut his eyes. “I’ve got an alarm set for when—”

“I know. Sleep until then if you can.”

It turned out, Kieron could.

***

Kieron never knew what to do in the face of tears. Anger he could handle, panic and fear he could deal with; shouts and screams, no matter what provoked them, were simple. Remain calm. Look for redirects. Calm it down. Calm them down. Then deal with the consequences.

Dislike was better, indifference was ideal—let him be a disappointment, let him be not worth the time. The joke was always on the other person because Kieron wanted way less to do with them than he wanted them around. But tears, whether of sadness or joy … he was bad with those. So bad.

After all, how did you comfort the widow of your dead best friend when you told her that you’d confirmed the identity of his corpse? He’d expected her to be happy!

“Please,” Kieron said after the second straight minute of crying. “Xilinn, I … I don’t know what to do.”

“No,” she whimpered, wiping a hand across her eyes and trying to make herself sit up straight. “No, it’s—it’s all right. It’s not you, it’s not—this, not this, I promise, I—” She started to cry again, harder than before.