Page 83 of The Pakhan’s Heir

“She wasn’t,” I say a little somberly. “She was as much a part of this life as any of us. I just wonder if he had thought to give her the option at some point and she decided to take it… Maybe she’d still be alive.”

“Sure, but we might not be,” Yeva says. “Especially me. Despite the whole thing about being in the brotherhood for life and all, nobody’s really here who doesn’t want to be. Especially if the head guy gives them a pass to leave.”

I take that in, thinking of Nona and how she was ready to bolt when she thought I wouldn’t accept her pregnancy. Everything she said about always being in danger… There will always be somebody looking to kill one or all of us.

Yeva watches me drink for a little longer.

“Look,” she says, “Whatever you’re thinking about with you and Nona, it doesn’t mean anything until you actually talk to her. So quit sulking about it and go talk it out. That’s what married couples are supposed to do, right?”

“Thank you for your input,” I say to her as I down the remainder of my glass and get up to make another. “Now please, go back to bed.”

I hear her sigh again, then her feet as she pads out of the parlor.

When I finally do make it upstairs, she’s asleep on the bed. On top of the comforter, still in her T-shirt and blue jeans. I guess we’ll talk tomorrow…

I take off my jacket and as I set it down on the floor, she stirs. Her eyes open and she blearily looks up at me. “Alex…?”

“Yeah,” I say. I turn my back to her, taking off my bloodied shirt and tossing it in a pile with the rest of the clothes. “I’m going to take a shower and go straight to bed.”

She pauses and I hear her move around. “Is everything all right? Is he…”

“Yes,” I say without hesitation. Then I pause, standing here in just my slacks, my shirt, jacket and shoes lying in a pile next to me that will be taken out and burned at first light.

She’s awake now, and it would be cruel to have this conversation in the morning.

“I think that it might be a good idea… if you left, Nona.”

She doesn’t say anything. I don’t even hear her breathing. I turn to see her staring at me, her eyes as big as saucers. “What?”

“Something you said has been on my mind. About how we’ll always be in danger. Even after Slavik was dead. Even if years go by⁠—”

“You want me to leave you? Now? After everything we’ve been through?”

“I’m saying that you were right,” I say. “There’s going to be someone to come along and replace Slavik, probably within the week. And he might pick things up right where Slavik left off. We could be doing this all over again, and while I’m happy to be your protector and your shield… Nona, I don’t know that it’s what you and this baby deserve.”

She just stares, her brow furrowing, her mouth pursed.

“Tonight, so many things could have gone wrong, Nona. I could have been killed. This Bratva could have been in chaos. Slavik might’ve…” I have to stop myself there. I don’t want to think about what he could have done. “The point is that you were right. We’re better off apart than together. Maybe if you’re away from all this, you can raise our child differently from how we were raised.”

She continues to stare at me, her eyes watering.

“Nona,” I say softly. “Say something.”

She looks away and wipes at her face as large, fat tears start rolling down her cheeks. “What do you want me to say? Is… is this what you really want?”

“It’s what I think is best. It wasn’t that long ago that you felt the same way⁠—”

“Okay,” she says suddenly. She sniffles and takes a deep breath, then walks over to her bag, still unpacked after all this time, and pulls it to the bed. “Just let me get my things and I’ll find another room to sleep in.”

“You don’t have to go that far. We can sleep together tonight⁠—”

“What for?” She utters a quick, hollow laugh. “You want me to be safe and sound and away from you. Why not start now?”

I watch her as she grabs her things, shoving them in her bag. “There’s a guest room right next to Yeva’s,” she says. “I’ll sleep in there until you figure out different arrangements.”

A deep hurt digs itself inside my chest. I don’t want her to go. I want to pull her into my arms and take it all back.

But if I did that, then what? I know this is the right decision. This is the most noble thing I could do for her and this baby. Why does it hurt so fucking much?