Page 26 of The Hunter

He could not allow himself to take what he wanted, no matter how easy it would’ve been to do so.

“Well enough,” Rekosh repeated with a grunt. “Sometimes I wonder if words hold different meanings for you than for the rest of us.”

“Perhaps.” That would explain why Telok always seemed to choose the wrong ones when he spoke to Lacey.

Flicking his long braid behind his back, Rekosh glanced around the den. His gaze lingered first on the lone spear by the entrance, and then on the worktable. “You are joining Garahk’s hunt tomorrow, are you not?”

“I am.”

“Should you wish to borrow a spear, you need but ask.” Rekosh looked back at Telok. “I am sure that between myself, Ketahn, and Urkot, there must be one to match what you prefer.”

“You are all remaining behind again?”

The weaver nodded.

Though that answer didn’t surprise Telok, the realization that accompanied it caught him off guard.

All his friends had claimed mates and were making their own families. He’d never imagined it possible, had never wanted it for himself, hadn’t even considered it. He’d already lost so many of those he cared about. How could he bear the pain of losing anyone else, especially a mate and broodlings of his own?

But seeing his friends with their mates, seeing them happy, seeing Ketahn and Ivy with Akalahn and now both Ahmya and Callie carrying broodlings…

He resisted the urge to claw at his chest, knowing it could do nothing to diminish the vast, deep ache dominating it.

Telok strode past Rekosh, returning to the worktable. “I will have all I need tomorrow, but you have my thanks for offering.”

“Of course.”

Telok picked up two of the blackrock spearheads from the table, testing their weight on his open hands. Though a mere three segments separated him and his friend, that space felt as wide as all the land between Kaldarak and Takarahl.

Which left the chasm between Telok and Lacey as massive as the darkness between the stars that she and the other humans had crossed to get here. He despised that distance, despised this strain… But was it not confirmation that he was meant to stride alone? That his place had never truly been either in Takarahl or Kaldarak?

“I…” He closed his hands around the spearheads. He could barely feel the bites of their sharpened edges against his palms. Whatever words he’d meant to say tangled in his throat, becoming a mass too thick and jumbled to get out. So he let them die, accepting their ghosts into his hearts—just another thing to haunt him. “I am glad for you and Ahmya. For Urkot and Callie as well. Your broodlings will be healthy and strong.”

The news had been shared while he’d been searching for Lacey nine days ago, and he’d not found the opportunity to congratulate his friends in the time since.

“Thank you.” Rekosh’s steps were almost silent as he moved closer. “You have much to do, and your spirit is heavy. I will leave you to your work. We will talk more when you return to Kaldarak.”

Telok nodded. Heavy was as good a word as any to describe his mood, though conflicted seemed more accurate. Time in the Tangle would clear his mind. Real distance from Lacey would make it easier to…

To what? Sever the ties between them? The only way for that to succeed would be to sever his ties with everyone.

Rekosh settled a hand on Telok’s shoulder. “Long ago, a wise hunter taught me that forever lying in wait only gives fate a chance to leave you with an empty belly.”

Mandibles twitching, Telok turned his head to look at Rekosh. “I am the only hunter who taught you.”

“Exactly.” Rekosh’s hand squeezed firmly. “If the hunt is truly all you know, brother…hunt. Because whatever it is you have been doing instead is harming more than just yourself.”

Telok’s fists curled tighter, and now he did feel the pain, but it was nothing compared to the intensifying tightness in his chest.

Rekosh withdrew his hand and, making no sound but the rasp of moving cloth at the doorway, departed.

Hurting Lacey would keep her away, wouldn’t it? And wasn’t that what his aim had been? Wasn’t the distance his goal?

Her pain was like a blade plunged into his back, wielded by his own hand, but it was necessary. Necessary because…

Because Telok could not keep himself away.

How often had he caught himself seeking her out or watching her from afar? How many times had he lurked unseen in the shadows to observe as she interacted with others, as she worked, as she ate, as she slept, as she bathed?