Page 149 of Storm and Sea

But tonight was different. Tonight, he was taking a break from the shit-show that was his life. He didn’t have time to care what Baia Vita thought of him—because right now, he was already less than the dirt under their boots.

Alvise had made sure of that.

So why not indulge his bleeding heart? What more did he have to lose? His dignity. His pride. His sense of security was all gone. Stolen and placed firmly in Alvise’s pocket. Was it so wrong of him to want a sliver of happiness to soothe the hurt?

When Atreus and Nyel finally finished, it was harder than usual for him to put on his charming act. He managed to keep the bite out of his voice only by biting his tongue. A seasoned fisherman Leo recognized limped to them with blisters on his palms, begging for assistance. Given the amount of oil on the man’s shirt, Leo could guess Atreus would be occupied for some time.

It was now or never.

“Hey, Nyel, can I borrow for you a bit?”

“Sure, what’s up?”

“Somewhere private?” he coaxed, his heart rate increasing with each breath.

“Is it okay to leave your brother?” Nyel asked.

“He’s fine; he’ll find a friend in a minute.”

Convinced, Nyel followed Leo to a private part of the square. The festivities were still in full view, though the music was diluted to a pleasant hum.

“Hey, Leofel, is everything okay?”

“We’re not talking about that,” Leo snapped, hating himself when Nyel flinched. “I mean, that’s not what I want to talk to you about.”

“Okay.”

“What I want to say is, well, I’ve wanted to say it since we became friends, and I know now isn’t the best time. I’ve got a lot going on, and you have a lot, and the season is almost over and…”

And I am blowing this!

Leo couldn’t get himself to shut up, dancing around the words he wanted to say but never actually reaching them.

I really like you. I think you’re kind and gentle and gorgeous.

The words echoed in his head, and as Leo stared into Nyel’s concerned eyes, all at once…he knew he’d never say them.

Not now.

Not with a cord wrapped around his neck. If Leo dragged Nyel into this, pulling him closer to the master who held his chain, this beautiful boy might end up tangled in the links. The revelation hit him so powerfully that he hated himself for not realizing it sooner. Leo forced back the prickle in his eyes before plastering on a smile.

I’m an idiot to think this could ever happen.

“Sorry, I was rambling. I wanted to say that I’d like all of us to have a day together before the end of the season. On the beach.” He chewed his lip and added, “You know, me, you, Gatto, and Marina if she wants.”

Nyel’s eyes narrowed, likely suspecting Leo wasn’t telling the whole truth. “I’d love that, Leofeol,” he finally said, with a kindness that nearly broke Leo in two.

I want to kiss him. I want to know how it feels.

Leo knew Nyel’s lips would be as soft and gentle as the words he spoke. He knew one kiss could soothe the ache inside him, take the biting edge off his pain, and make him feel—something. Something beyond the constant fear and dread and anger that plagued his every waking thought. The need for relief pressed on him so hard it nearly brought him to his knees. And he knew this beautiful person standing before him could give him that.

Just one kiss.

But Leo forced his spine to remain rigid, shoving down the overwhelming pull to close the distance between them. He cleared his throat roughly.

“It’s a plan then. Better get back to Edgar.”

And like a kicked dog, Leo hurriedly walked away from Nyel. The moment he turned the corner, he broke into a sprint. He ran from the festival. Ran from the light and the music. The smells and feelings of safety. All a farce. All lies.