Page 103 of Forge the Blade

Rei flung himself forward, his shoulder catching Sevastyan’s jaw, but he didn’t stop. Arms and legs, he wrapped himself around Sevastyan’s larger body and held on.

“You. Are. Mine,” Rei hissed. His own chest throbbed. “I am not okay without you. I am not going to be okay without you.”

“But they . . .”

Rei pushed back, hands still gripping Sevastyan’s shoulder. He forced Sevastyan to look him in the eye. “I. Am. NOT. Okay. Without you.”

Sevastyan blinked—slowly—face flushed, lips trembling. “They are the light, Rei.”

“And you are my light.”

Sevastyan’s hands spasmed against Rei’s waist. “I’m nobody’s light, Rei.”

“Then I’m nobody, because you are my light. And if you’re not a light, then you’re what I want instead of a light. You are the air I breathe, the reason I am breathing. The reason I chose to stay alive.” Rei thumped his fist against Sevastyan’s chest and fisted his shirt. “You promised to never leave me.”

“I’m not leaving you.” Tears rolled down Sevastyan’s cheeks. “I’d be letting you go. Be letting you free. I can’t—I won’t—keep you a slave.”

“You’ve never kept me a slave.”

“I have.”

“The Merchari have kept me a slave, not you.”

“But you are my slave.”

Rei laughed. He wiped at his face and went right back to gripping Sevastyan. “I’m a slave, Sevastyan. And you’re my master, because I chose you. But I’m yours. Not your slave, just yours. You’re my master because you protect me. You keep me breathing. You make me brave. You put weapons in my hands and make me more than I was without you. But you never made me a slave. That was what I was before you.” Rei drove his finger against Sevastyan’s chest with each word of his last sentence. “If I was really your slave, you wouldn’t free me. You’d cling to me even when I didn’t want you, like Alexi.”

“I’m not Alexi.”

“No, you’re not.”

Sevastyan drew in a shuddering breath. “We’re not, I’m not . . . I’m evil, Rei.”

Rei cupped his hand over Sevastyan’s mouth. “If I’m the victim, then I get to say who is evil. And you’re not evil. You’re dangerous. You’re dark. You’re made out of nightmares. I need that.”

Sevastyan stilled.

Rei closed his eyes. Some truths that were hard to say. “You think you’ve been using me,” he whispered. “But what if I’ve been using you?”

“You, no.” Sevastyan pushed Rei’s hand away and tried to move off the back of the couch.

Rei pushed him down, squeezing his thighs around his hips. He gripped the front of Sevastyan’s shirt. “If Anton had kept pulling back, letting the work go quiet, if you had not claimed me, would you still be here? You’d be lower ranked. Just a middling agent. You could have disengaged, like Anton did. Faded away. Taken fewer jobs. Gone mostly straight, claimed an injury or an illness and slipped through their fingers, gotten away from it all.”

Sevastyan blinked like he’d never considered the option. Because he hadn’t. No matter what he thought of himself, he had a heart made for righteous war. He’d meant his oath to Anton, even if Anton had not.

It was time for a softer voice, even if it felt like his tones would shatter. “But you found me. You pulled me out of the fire. Nursed me to health. You took on more jobs to make sure you had the wealth to care for me. Don’t think I didn’t notice. You built up your network and we caught Alexi’s eye. You rose from there. By then we were being watched at the highest level, and not just because of where I’d been a slave. They started trusting you because you were at the right parties. And you were at those parties because of me. Too valuable to lose. Too many faces memorized to be allowed free. If you ever looked like you were going to go straight, they would have taken me, or killed us both. You destroyed any freedom you had to leave—for me.”

“I—” Sevastyan swallowed and closed his eyes. “That’s not how—I was keeping my oath to Anton. I used you. My mother . . .”

“If it was just about keeping the oath, you could have picked a prettier bird,” Rei whispered. “One that wasn’t burned. One that didn’t want to die.”

Sevastyan shook his head. His hands were so tight on Rei’s hips they were going to bruise.

“You chose me,” Rei whispered. “And I chose you.”

“I’ve done unforgivable things to you.”

“You kept us alive.”