Page 51 of Hilarina and the Ogre

“It’s fine. Let’s just go.

Trenton pushed his mother into her own bedroom, whispered hoarsely, “I’m sorry,” together out the door.

Hilary thought the Shitheap wasn’t going to start, and he nearly stalled it into oblivion, but Trenton managed to get it going, and soon they were down and past, the house gone from sight. They were both shaking. Trenton from anxiety, and Hilary from a mix of anger and adrenaline.

“Is she schizophrenic or something?”

Trenton shook his head. The boy had only pulled on a pair of jeans, his feet and torso bare, and his hair, still smelling of fart, was dripping onto his face.

“Whatever the case, you can forget it. I don’t believe a word, so—”

“But I did,” Trenton managed, his voice still hoarse. “I did kill her.”

“Bullshit.”

“I don’t really know how I did it. I don’t remember. But she was left with me—Amelia. I was supposed to be watching her. I’m sure I would have been watching her. But she died, and—”

“Why the fuck was a five-year-old watching a baby?”

“I don’t think it was for long. She stepped out only to pick up some more infant formula. I read in the report that she claimed to have been gone only ten minutes, but in that time—somehow, in that time—”

“Says the report.” His anger was swelling, a sense of violation dominating. “She should have taken you to the store with her. You shouldn’t have been alone. And anyway, how is that killing? You couldn’t have been responsible.”

“But I smothered her.” Trenton’s voice was shredding. “Mother says—”

“I don’t care what she says! She’s obviously unhinged.”

“Because her baby died. Because I—”

“If you say you killed her again, I won’t forgive you. Trenton, you’re too smart to believe any of this. Weren’t you the four-year-old who learned to read on his own? Who made himself food and dressed himself and found his way back and forth to the library? No way did a conscientious kid like that kill his baby sister.”

“Knowing how to read doesn’t mean—”

“It does if it’s you! People can change, but not that much. I could tell even from how you were holding her in that picture. Supporting her head and looking so serious, watching her instead of the camera. You didn’t hurt her, Trent. You don’t even let me kill the bugs at home.”

Trenton began to cry. He put his arms over his face like it was the most shameful thing in the world and cried for the first time since he was a little boy. Hilary didn’t know that part—about it being such a long time. He just knew that in the time he’d known his friend he hadn’t seen him so much as sniffle. Trenton had only taken the comforting role, always protecting, never protected. Perhaps now was the first time since that distant, forgotten memory that anyone had taken his side.

Hilary pulled over and took Trenton into his arms. “You shouldn’t cry. Not for something you’ve never done. If you’re going to cry, save it for our wedding.”

Trenton couldn’t laugh. He was too upset.

Hilary tried to kiss him, but Trenton shoved him away. “Don’t. I reek.” And it was one thing too many for the boy, the misery of it real. “I was already ugly and socially fucked, but now I stink too.” Trenton was blubbering, and it would have been cute if it weren’t so distressing. “And you used to like how I smell.”

“Like? I love the way you smell. I’d bottle it if I could and make a fortune if I ever decided to sell it—not that I would. I’m not sharing you with anyone.”

“But—”

“And another thing. I’m going to say this one last time, so open your fucking ears. You are not ugly. It’s just that woman’s brainwashing that makes you think so.”

“The others at school—”

“Know you’re a genius and the only one in this stupid hick town with the potential to make something of himself. They feel inferior. I felt inferior too when we first met. You’re brave and brilliant, and you don’t give a shit about what any of those losers think.”

“I do.”

“Because you’re worried about them hurting me. But that’s not the same as valuing their opinions. Trenton, you took the sex-repulsed virgin for life and made him salivate for you. If that’s not sexy, I don’t know what is.”

Trenton’s smile was a little wonky with the anxiety making him shaky and those bloodshot eyes, but he was still cute. Hilary took one of those big hands he loved so much and pressed it to his face. “If you’re going to hyper-focus on something, then put that brain to work on our five-year plan, because I’ve got a shit ton of things I want to do with you. Can you do that? Can you look forward to the future with me?”