Page 56 of Hilarina and the Ogre

Trenton looked up from his book on pagan-inspired Christmas traditions. “Yes, my love?”

Hilary’s question briefly vanished as his face went up like a torch.

Trenton grinned. “No good?”

Hilary slapped a hand over those roguish eyes. “Will you focus!”

“I think you’re the one having difficulty.”

“Shut up and answer my question.”

“There was a question?”

Hilary had never meant for Trenton to get this good at bantering. It seemed he’d created a monster. He took a breath. “It’s like this. You and I don’t need to spend money to have fun, right?”

Trenton narrowed his eyes. “Is this your way of telling me not to get you a Christmas present? Because you’re too late, and anyway, I wouldn’t listen.”

It was another potential distraction. He’d had no idea Trenton had gotten him anything. When could he have done it? And where was it hidden? He forced himself to set that aside.

“I meant in general. So long as we have a library to visit, some groceries, and a blanket or two, we’re good. The things we like don’t cost much, and neither of us were raised on a lavish lifestyle. I feel like we wouldn’t even know what to do with money if we had it.”

Trenton held out an arm for him, and Hilary went gladly, abandoning the shirt he was folding—only finally getting around to putting his summer clothing away. It had never been important before, but now that he and his partner were sharing the dresser, it was necessary to conserve space.

“I have a few ideas,” Trenton said. “Places I want to go and things I want to experience with you, but it’s true we likely wouldn’t be spending much on the day to day. Why do you bring it up? Are you worried? I promise to get a good job so that you never have to feel—”

“But that’s exactly it. Do we even need good jobs?”

Trenton said nothing, just looked at him, waiting the way he always did when he wasn’t sure where a conversation was headed. Seeing it always made Hilary want to pet the boy, too much like an obedient puppy to resist.

“It’s just that these last few days have been so good, and honestly, even before the break started, it’s been like that. And I realized it’s because we get to be together. In school or at the bookstore, at the studio and the dojo, back here at home. I’ve gotten so spoiled with having you that the thought of that ending, of the two of us going off into the working world and spending most of our time away from each other. I hate that. I really hate it. I don’t want our lives to be like that.”

Trenton frowned. “Your parents don’t seem miserable.”

“Mom has her dream job, and Dad is the human manifestation of a golden retriever. It takes a lot to make him unhappy. But it’s not like it’s easy for them. They’re tired a lot. And it was worse when I was younger. During the crash when Dad lost his job, and Mom had to quit dancing to work in the law office. There was a lot of stress, and there were fights. Mom even went to stay with Aunt Jean for a week once. I never doubted that they loved each other, or that they loved me, but when I think about it now, the suffering seems so unnecessary. I don’t need nice things. Some of my most precious memories are from times with you in the Shitheap, or that day in the broken-down apartment above the shop. Maybe I’m just a bum with no ambition, but I can’t think of anything I want more than my time with you.”

Trenton ducked his face. He was wearing the look he got sometimes. When something hit him harder than he was expecting.

“Trent?” Hilary wondered if he’d insulted him. He knew the boy took protecting him very seriously. Had he thought he was rejecting that? “I didn’t mean—”

“I feel the same.” And as Trenton’s arms tightened, Hilary knew it was the truth. “So I feel stupid now. I bury myself in books as if the outside world doesn’t interest me, but then sign up for the same path everything else is taking.”

“That’s not true.”

But Trenton’s softness was already returning, and the touch when he caught the edge of Hilary’s jaw with the knuckles of one hand was almost too gentle. “What did you have in mind?”

“I don’t—that is, I don’t have a plan. I don’t know enough to make a plan.”

“But you have thoughts?”

“More like images. Pictures out of a fantasy. Sometimes it’s a cabin in the woods, or a tiny high-rise apartment. I even had this weird one about us being homeless together under a bridge, huddled on some newspapers trying to see the stars through all the light pollution. I must be sick in the head to find anything romantic about that, but I think it’s just that having you makes me see the romantic side to everything. Maybe I’m just an idiot, but sometimes I think it’s impossible not to be happy with you.”

Trenton looked at him, only looked, but still it felt like too much. How intensely the boy took him in, as if he had to carve the image of him over and over into his mind so he’d see him even when he wasn’t there. “I would follow you,” Trenton said, still with those eyes. “Wherever you went, I would follow and consider it perfect.”

Hilary tucked himself against his beloved, and they sat like that, blessed with knowing that neither of them had anywhere urgent to be or with anything more important to do than just be there with each other.

“I guess that’s my next project cut out for me,” Trenton said. “Researching the jobs that will have us together with the least time apart, and with a standard of living that doesn’t have your parents cursing the day I came into your life.”

“I don’t think they’d ever curse at you. Even if we did need to eat rice and beans most of the time.”