Page 72 of Hilarina and the Ogre

“Do you see any other stresses lying around?”

It was no good—dangerous. He liked it all far too much. “You haven’t done this before, right? I’m the first?”

Hilary was outraged. “Just how crazy do you think I am?”

“I don’t know. Enough to stalk a murderer?”

Hilary ignored that. “Do you know how difficult it is to hold down a full-time job and keep tabs on you? How would I even juggle a second target? Do you think I do this for fun?”

“It was fun for me. Whenever you were there. I never have any fun except when you’re there.”

“That’s because you’re a boring toad.” Hilary had settled into proper mulishness. His mouth was full of animal crackers, and it was showing in his cheeks. Trenton was fully aware of just how much he wanted to poke at them. Maybe even to bite at them. Was that psychotic behavior? To want to bite another human?

“Then how boring does that make you?” Trenton countered. “Stalking a toad.”

“I said it wasn’t for fun!”

“In that case, thank you for your service.”

Hilary pointed an elephant cookie at him. “This is your problem. You adapt too quickly.”

“I do?” He would have claimed the opposite. He’d been working at the restaurant for nearly two years, and he still became flustered every time a customer came in. It was the same when it came to greeting the cashier at the grocery store. Or buying stamps at the post office. He’d been that way his whole life.

But Hilary was insistent. “Look at you. Some guy takes you back to a strange place, knows all these things he shouldn’t, and what do you do? You make yourself right at home.”

“You told me to, though.”

“Shut it. You know, I turned down a date to come to the restaurant today.”

“Does that happen a lot?”

“Is it so surprising that someone would ask me on a date?”

Not at all. “I’m sure you’re the most popular one there. I meant, do you often turn down dates to come and see me?”

The man stopped, mouth open, and then went such a charming shade of pink that Trenton’s laugh came out after all. Hilary was furious. “I’m not turning down any others, if that’s what you mean. Hell, I’ll start doing the asking out. I’ll go on a date every day this week.”

“But you need to hurry home as soon as your shifts end. How else will you know whether I’m making trouble or not?”

Hilary threw the elephant at him, incensed. It was irresistible bait. “I thought you weren’t giving me any?”

That was it. Hilary was done. He went right to the bathroom, stripping while he was still in the hall and dropping his clothes as he went. He also made a lot of noise getting under the water, muttering the whole time.

The shower therapy was another fantastic discovery, and something Trenton never would have known if he hadn’t been brought to this place. He stood in the doorway, watching, feeling immense satisfaction, particularly when, scowling like he was going to burn his eyebrows off, Hilary was forced to beckon him closer because Trenton had ingeniously thought to bring the box of animal crackers to the bathroom with him.

“Think you’re real slick, do you?” Hilary asked after cramming a handful into his mouth.

Trenton was on cloud nine. Cloud ten, even. “Just don’t get tired of me. Stalk me forever.”

“I’m already tired of you. Go home.”

“But I thought we were going to Kansas together.”

“Kansas is canceled.”

Trenton got to see Hilary’s bedtime routine as well.

“You should get a tongue scraper,” he told the man while they were brushing their teeth.