Page 21 of Silk and Sensibility

Meilin’s and Begonia’s grips were firm, clearly determined to make her talk with Enze. Perhaps Ailin could make the conversation with Enze quick so none of Fulan’s servants would notice.

Descending carefully from the veranda into the garden with Meilin and Begonia at her side, she took deep breaths of autumn air. If she had to meet Enze, she should be composed.

The pear tree in the courtyard had dropped its leaves, but the evergreen camellia bush had yet to bloom. Meilin and Begonia released her once Enze came into view. He was dressed in cotton-padded robes that had to have been a gift from either Fulan or Mother. He stood respectfully just beyond the moon gate on a pebbled path, not daring to enter the inner courtyard.

When Ailin reached the arch of the gate, she dug her slippers into the ground and coughed, signaling that she would go no closer. At least this much distance had to be protected.

Undaunted, Meilin cheerfully waved toward Enze. “We’ve brought my sister. She is very excited to talk to you. Have fun!” With that, she grabbed Begonia and ran away, leaving Ailin and Enze alone.

Ailin’s heart thudded at her proximity to him. She had practiced for weeks to drive him from her mind, but as soon as she saw him in person, her discipline vanished. All she could see was him. Enze’s brown eyes searched her face intently for an answer to an unknown question.

Ailin cleared her throat. “I was told you wanted to see me?”

“Yes,” he said as if startled. “I, um, have a small gift for you.”

Panic flashed through Ailin as he took a step closer. But then he stopped and brought out an object from behind his back, extending it to her with both hands. An inkstone.

“This is for you,” Enze whispered softly. “It’s not much, but I thought a painter could always use more inkstones.”

Ailin reached to pick it up, careful not to touch him. She held the inkstone in her hands, taking her time to appreciate the elegant gift traditionally given to symbolize friendship. About the size of her palm, it was carved from a solid piece of warm gray stone. The sides were left rough like rocky mountains, providing the raised edges needed to hold water and ink in the polished well while also preserving part of the stone’s natural appearance. The simple, rustic design reminded her of Enze himself.

“When you gave me your umbrella, I thought of this inkstone I’ve been saving,” he explained. “On the back—”

Ailin turned the inkstone over. Rendered in low relief on the flat bottom of the stone was a pair of swallows flying between apricot blossoms.

“My umbrella . . .”

“Depicted the same subject. I thought it was a sign.”

Ailin couldn’t resist teasing Enze for his dramatic phrasing. “I paint a lot of flowers and birds—on paper, on silk, on umbrellas. It’s a very common motif in art.”

“Swallows and apricot blossoms represent spring, and the highest-level imperial exams take place in that season. Even if the design is popular, it doesn’t make me admire your work one bit less.” He took a breath, then asked, slow and deliberate, “Can you deign to accept this humble gift?”

His eyes shone with such earnestness that Ailin’s resolution to keep her distance threatened to unravel. She had to go before anything else happened. “Thank you for your thoughtfulness. Now, if you’ll excuse me—”

“May I have another moment?”

He asked with such pressing urgency that Ailin paused her intended flight.

“If you need to go, you can, because what I’m about to say is not meant to pressure you in any way, but before you leave, I want to tell you how much I admire you.”

Ailin stared at him. She never thought Enze would confess his feelings so directly.

“I know this is shameless of me, considering how little I have to offer, but I want to ask you to marry me one day.”

A rush of conflicting emotions left Ailin feeling stunned. She didn’t know how to respond. “I can’t believe you.”

Enze winced. “Does that mean you don’t share my feelings? I’m prepared to accept that. But I’m clumsy at interpretation, and I want to make sure I’m understanding you correctly.”

Ailin shook her head. She wasn’t even sure she understood herself at the moment. “I won’t comment on my feelings while my mind is in such disarray, but I want you to know that what you’ve outlined feels impossible. We can’t marry. Your sister is against it.”

That was the cold, uncomfortable fact keeping them apart. As much as Ailin wanted to accept his love confession and give in to her own feelings, she couldn’t, because doing so meant directly contradicting a senior member of Enze’s family.

Enze gazed at her with such a heartbroken expression that her own chest hurt. Ailin looked away.

“I know what Fulan thinks, but she’s wrong.” Enze’s voice started soft, but it grew stronger as he continued. “I’m the one who fell in love with you so hard that my sister feared I was straying from the path she imagined for me. For that, I apologize. I know I’ve caused your family a great deal of harm. However, if there is any way you can forgive me, please know that I would do anything for you.”

Ailin studied his face as carefully as if she was preparing to paint it. He had never looked more serious or handsome than he did at that moment, so full of both fear and courage. It was too much for her to bear. Her eyes stung.