Page 32 of Silk and Sensibility

“High-quality paintings are sold by trusted dealers, not in shops.” Ailin sighed as she reached for a clean sheet of paper. “I don’t know how I’ll ever master the skills required for painting in this genre.”

Ailin had practiced for the past couple weeks and had grown comfortable sketching an adult female figure, but conveying the power and compassion of a goddess—that required imagination, or maybe faith, both of which Ailin lacked.

She wondered what Father would think of her, trying so hard to paint a figure she didn’t believe in. Inhaling deeply, she tried to breathe in confidence. Father would have respected her effort because he respected all good religions. And he would have liked the idea of her painting so she could be with Enze. Father would have approved of Enze’s scholarly sincerity and diligence and how happy she was when she was with him.

“Would it help if I held some props? Like a willow branch or a lotus?” Meilin asked.

Ailin was roused from her abstraction. She dipped her paintbrush into the well in the middle of her inkstone to hide her distracted state. “That might work.” She frowned when the inkstone ran out of ink. “But it’s too late in the season to find lotus flowers, and the willows are all brown.”

“That’s true. Those motifs are so common anyway. What if you try painting something more unique, like Guānyīn riding a dragon?”

“Then it would be twice as hard because I’d have to use my imagination for both a goddess and a dragon.” Ailin was frustrated at her inability to capitalize on her sister’s ideas. Of the two of them, Meilin was the creative one. Though Meilin didn’t paint much, the musical equivalent of painting from imagination was probably improvising on the zither, which Meilin excelled at. There were some talents Ailin would never possess, no matter how hard she tried.

“I think you need to break from your reliance on references. Unlock your full potential! What if you try painting one of the rarer manifestations of Guānyīn mentioned in the Lotus Sutra? Like, what if I ditch these robes and dress up as a Heavenly General?”

Ailin laughed at Meilin’s far-fetched suggestion. “And where would you get armor? Would you ask to borrow some from Captain Bai?”

“I wouldn’t ask him for a favor like that,” Meilin said, pouting.

Ailin hadn’t seen her making such a cute face in a while. “Why not? I think he likes you enough that he would say yes.”

Meilin turned icy. “That’s not funny.”

Ailin winced. Had she gone too far with her teasing? She hadn’t expected her sister to be so sensitive about this topic. Meilin seemed to prefer Master Wei to Captain Bai from the start, but she hadn’t expressed dislike for the captain either. Whenever the captain joined them at dinner, Meilin watched him with a pensive expression that Ailin interpreted as respectful interest. Ailin liked the understated way Meilin interacted with Captain Bai better than her sister’s open flirtation with Master Wei.

“A willow branch would be easy enough to re-create from memory since I’ve painted them before.” Ailin returned to the topic at hand, hoping to defuse the situation without agitating Meilin further. “It would also be a more standard depiction of the bodhisattva.”

Meilin’s frown deepened, her thoughts clearly elsewhere. “Do you really think Captain Bai likes me?”

Ailin carefully considered how to respond. While people’s true feelings were hard to judge, she had noticed over the past few weeks several outward signs that Captain Bai did, indeed, like Meilin. Whenever they were in the same room, usually when Captain Bai joined the Jiangs for dinner, his eyes lingered on Meilin longer than on anyone else. From the intent way he looked at her when she spoke to the way his expression softened when she performed the zither, all his actions showed admiration.

When Ailin did not respond right away, Meilin supplied her own opinion, an edge developing in her voice. “I doubt someone like him could truly love any woman.”

Ailin grew uncomfortable. Did Meilin dislike Captain Bai more than she thought? If so, it might be better for her sister to express her frustrations to Ailin now rather than hold back her feelings and explode in public later. Even if Meilin didn’t like the captain, she could not afford to insult him in front of others.

“What kind of person do you think he is?”

Meilin’s robes flounced when she plopped down on Ailin’s couch bed as if she was exhausted. “You heard the same story I did. Do you think a man with an illegitimate child can be trusted?”

Ailin pondered the question as she poured a few drops of water onto the inkstone. While grinding her inkstick against it in smooth, circular motions, she thought about Enze and how his openness with her was one of the things she loved most about him. His willingness to share the deepest parts of himself was what made her feel safe with him.

But Captain Bai was different. If Sandy really was his daughter instead of his niece, hiding the fact only made sense if it improved rather than damaged his reputation. As things stood, however, Captain Bai was carrying the black pot of dishonor while gaining nothing in return. Furthermore, even if the rumor was true, antagonizing him was unwise. Meilin’s active dislike wouldn’t change Captain Bai’s past, but it could influence her future.

Ailin tried to be diplomatic. “There must be more to the story. The Jiang family would not be so close with the captain if they thought him untrustworthy.”

“Are you sure of that? They seem too mercantile to care about honor, especially Grand­mother Jiang. She’ll tolerate anyone who pays rent on time.”

Ailin set her inkstick down. “That is no way to talk about an elder and our benefactor. Grand­mother Jiang has been extremely generous to us, and we don’t pay rent.”

“We pay her through the entertainment she gains from teasing us and watching us squirm. You might think I’m silly for reacting so strongly, but I care a lot about this. I’d rather never marry at all than marry a man I don’t love.”

“You’re not going to become a nun, Meilin. And how can you even be sure who you love and don’t love? We’ve been here less than a month.”

“How long did it take for you to fall in love with Enze?”

Meilin’s question struck like an arrow, leaving Ailin temporarily speechless. “I wish you wouldn’t speak like that.”

“It’s not fair for you to fall in love with Enze if I don’t get to fall in love with whomever I choose.”