Page 70 of Silk and Sensibility

戰戰兢兢，如臨深淵，如履薄冰。

Our country is in chaos,

and the people are in need.

We need wisdom and order,

or else we’ll drown.

We can’t fight tigers with bare hands. We can’t cross rivers without boats.

We’ve already seen enough tragedy as we tremble in fear,

Walking as if on a cliff’s edge, treading as if on thin ice.

—Excerpt from the Classic of Poetry, transcribed by Fan Enze

Chapter 28

Meilin

Meilin was on the verge of drifting to sleep, but Ailin shook her awake.

“Get up!” Ailin shouted. “There are imperial soldiers ahead.”

Meilin winced. Ailin was too loud, the sun was too bright, and her head was throbbing. Her tongue felt heavy, and she didn’t know how much of her response was understandable, but she said what she felt anyway. “Even if soldiers are coming, they wouldn’t help us. They have no reason to. They only fight enemies, and do not help random civilians.”

“They will help us,” Ailin said with surety. “I saw Captain Bai.”

Meilin popped her eyes open. That was impossible.

“At least sit up,” Ailin said as she pushed Meilin up from her back.

Meilin’s head pounded, but she squinted in the direction Ailin pointed. She had to be hallucinating. There was no way the army officer walking toward them was Captain Bai.

He was too dashing. She had seen Captain Bai dressed in armor countless times when he was rushing to Batong Mansion after a day’s work, but he had never looked so good before. He had to be a figment of her imagination, conjured by fever dreams and a desperation to live. Her subconscious must have thought of him as the most dependable ally in the face of danger. That was the only reason she was seeing him now.

As imaginary Captain Bai walked closer, Meilin noted his dusty boots. She was strangely proud of herself for crafting such an awfully realistic detail. What remarkable mental clarity she had for someone who had been walking for several hours in summer heat without water. When he knelt by her and took off his helmet, his overserious gaze looked lifelike too. The mirage really resembled the Captain Bai she knew, sure of himself and ready to criticize her.

“What happened to your arm?” he asked in a low voice.

Meilin sighed. He was nice to look at, but she was tired and didn’t want to talk to an imaginary person, especially if he was going to nag her.

“Duan Meilin, I’m talking to you. Show me that you’re conscious.”

Meilin let her head fall to one side. Imaginary Captain Bai was as persistent as the real one. “You’re irritating.”

“It looks like an arrow tore through muscle, but thankfully not bone. Your wound might be infected, so I’m going to clean and bandage it.”

“But the Wōkòu are coming.”

“My soldiers are guarding this area now.”

Meilin looked into the imaginary Captain Bai’s eyes, searching for the truth. Was he really here? Was it really safe?

“Can you focus?” he asked.

Meilin’s emotions, blocked for hours by survival instincts, began leaking through. Whether or not this Captain Bai was real, she had reached her breaking point. Her voice cracked. “I thought we were going to die.”