Page 68 of Dark Ugly Places

Emmy nods. “Do you seriously not remember anything? You said not to call Nubia because it was just a side effect of your medication. Remember?”

“I don’t think so.”

“Oh my God.” Emmy’s mouth falls open. “Oh my God. It’s true, isn’t it?”

“What? What are you saying?”

“That thing you said before about Martha. She’s real, isn’t she?”

This is not the plan. My skin begins to crawl, and the hairs on my arms stand up as I realize the dreaded truth. Martha has been here, living with Emmy, for the past week of my life. A thought enters my mind, loud and certain: If anyone finds out about this, they will take Emmy from me, and I will never see her again.

“It makes sense. You talking to yourself, acting so different. You can’t remember things, things that you say and do. She’s real, isn’t she?”

“No, Emmy. Listen. You don’t understand.”

Let her understand, Nicola. What’s the difference now?

“She can’t know.”

“Mom?”

She knows.

“Fuck you!”

Emmy leaps off the stool and backs away from me.

“Mom, what’s going on? Is she inside you? Mom!”

“Emmy, listen to me. It’s not what you think.”

Just tell her, Nicola. Or maybe I should just tell her myself.

“No. Be quiet!”

Emmy comes to my side and hugs me. “Mom. It’s okay. I get it. I know.”

My eyes well up. “What?”

“Something is wrong, and Martha is there. She’s inside, talking to you.”

I pull away from her, the tears pouring down my cheeks. I can’t stop them.

You coward. This is why I’m in charge.

“Be quiet, Martha!” I sob and pinch the sore at the back of my neck until she falls quiet.

“Mom, it’s okay,” Emmy says. “I know she’s real. I’ve met her. She’s not you.”

“No,” I sob. “I didn’t want you to find out.”

Emmy holds me. “It’s all right, Mom. I can handle it.” Her lips touch my skin, and I see her tiny toddler face in my mind, two full lips sticky with cereal, the roundness of her chin, her dimples.

I wipe my face. “I’m so sorry. I never wanted you to see this.”

“It’s okay. Now tell me, what’s the last thing you remember?”

“Being here, in the kitchen with you.”