Page 82 of Jonesing for a Spy

At my questioning look, his shoulders drop. “Captain Shit Stain. Oh, and to top it off, the news reported the whole thing the next day. The man I emptied my guts onto? It was the Lieutenant Governor. He’s a U.S. Senator now.”

I cover my mouth with my hand. “You’ve puked on an American official. Okay. Okay. That does qualify as embarrassing.”

He waves his hand in my face. “I don’t care about that. Captain Shit Stain in high school is the ultimate leverage. Want to ask a girl out? Someone says ‘CSS after school. See you then’ or some other crap that keeps it in the forefront of your mind. I’ve waited for it for years during a work meeting or a job walk. It’ll forever be with me.”

“And those boys didn’t do anything equally as bad during your high school years?”

“Oh, they did. It’s mutually assured destruction at this point. I’m guessing it’s like that for all guy groups.”

I smile at him. “Probably. I’m sure my brothers have dirt on each other in ways I don’t know.”

“And on you too. At least Mikey does.”

Shrinking, I whine, “Don’t remind me. Poor Kevin. Speaking of…”

“Nope. Tell me something you don’t want me to know.”

“Why?”

“Because I want you to trust me with all of you—not just the things you think I’ll like.”

Strider

Mirren’s eyelids drop closed and in the smallest hint of whisper she says, “I’m scared that it’ll be positive because I know you’d do the right thing and take care of us.”

“I don’t understand,” I whisper in return.

“I want you to choose me for me, not for chivalry or morality or obligation. I don’t want to ever question whether we would or wouldn’t have worked but can’t know because a baby forced it to happen.” A lone tear runs down her cheek.

Sliding a hand onto her neck, I use the pad of my thumb to brush it and the one after it aside. “Freckles? I need you to look at me.”

When her eyes open, they’re brimming with unshed tears.

“I chose you already. That’s a done deal. If it’s positive, we won’t have the time we planned, but we can’t fix that, so I’ll just have to prove it to you over time.” I lean down and kiss her softly. “And I will, because I’m in love with you.”

Her head jerks back, and her eyes go wide. She sucks in a huge breath before finding my thumb against her lips.

“Don’t,” I caution. “Don’t say I don’t or I can’t. Don’t say it back. But listen to me. Listen to what my heart is telling you. I’m in love with you. What happens next may be out of our control, but it’s not because of anybody else. It’s you. Of course, it’s you.”

I move my thumb and take her lips. This time it’s not soft. It’s not chaste. It’s a tangle of tongues and lips and even teeth.

My glasses mash between us and pinch in bad places. And I don’t give a single fuck. My hands on her face hold her to me, tilting her head for a better angle.

We’re both breathing heavy when we come up for air.

She studies my face long enough that I should be uncomfortable. Hell, I’m doing the same, loving the pink popping up on the apples of her cheeks and the glistening of her swollen bottom lip.

“I’m still scared,” she admits.

“Want me to go check and tell you?”

She nods sheepishly as if she shouldn’t want that.

I slide off the bed, faster than I’d like. “’Kay, but climb under the covers. I want to hold you and sleep next to you. It’s all I’ve thought about for days.” Without another word, I shuck my sweater and head to the bathroom.

Prolonging the inevitable, I brush my teeth and strip off my jeans and tee. It’s when I relieve myself that I see what I can’t look away from—two pregnancy tests, face up, waiting to be read.

I look at both—each shows the same thing— and I return to the bedroom, turning off lights as I go, sliding under the covers right to Mirren’s back and wrapping my hand low on her belly.