Page 107 of Strictly Against Policy

The techs continued laughing until the front door opened and a patient sauntered in, pulling everyone back to their respective stations and positions. Grace greeted the patient while Carmen cleared her throat, and Sheryl started counting pills again.

I turned back to the monitor, but not without sharing one last glance with Jonathan. He grinned, eyes darting to my lips again, and I shook my head at him before focusing on what was in front of me. It was nice to have a little break for a moment. However, it was time to work.

It was another Monday and another day at the pharmacy.

CHAPTER 43

Lina

My neck tensed uncomfortably as my shoulders drew rigid and tight; around me were people waiting to see loved ones who were incarcerated. I tried to steady my breathing, but couldn’t. I was certain I was gasping by the time I saw guards leading my parents and Mai out into the waiting room.

After Mai’s call with him last week, we were fortunately able to book two visitations back-to-back. Neng requested I visit him alone. He said he wanted to finally sit down and talk one-on-one. Since each visitation allowed only up to three visitors anyway, our parents and Mai went first.

My older sister refused to talk to me, let alone acknowledge my presence, as she breezed past with red eyes and a pink nose. My mom looked at me with tear-stained eyes, while my dad continued to cling to his cool and calm demeanor. Yet, I knew he was devastated underneath that facade—much like how I was trying to hold everything together by mimicking him.

“How is he?” I asked my parents. My voice croaked, giving away all the strain my body felt.

“He’s okay for the most part,” my dad said quietly.

I nodded stiffly, looking at the clock. It was my turn to check on him now. “Say only nice things to your older brother,” my mom said.

I wasn’t sure what my mom meant by that, but I wasn’t going to chew him out. I wasn’t one to do so. The only one who could truly do that, and that he’d probably listen to, was Mai. He wouldn’t heed our parents or me. If it was her though, he’d take the time to consider her words.

My vision grew misty the moment my brother came in. He was wearing a blue jumpsuit and handcuffs. Neng had only been here for two weeks, but he looked haggard, with a stubble and sunken, red-lined eyes. He was hospitalized hours after his arrest due to alcohol withdrawals. Yet, this was the most alert and present I had seen him since his wife handed him divorce papers two years ago. He took his seat across from me. We didn’t say anything to one another as we sobbed. Our cries and tears were our only greetings.

“I’m sorry,” I managed to say, my voice changing into one I couldn’t even recognize. Hoarse. Steeped with guilt. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. I deserve this after everything I’d done,” he rasped back. “For everything I’d put my kids through, for taking advantage of you and your generosity, and for assaulting your boyfriend and damaging the pharmacy. I should be the one apologizing.”

Our breaths shook together as I sobbed.

“I’m sorry, Lina. I haven’t been a good older brother to you for the last few years. I knew you wanted to help me. But I didn’t want to get better, even for my kids.” He shook his head as tears streamed down his face. “I cared more about myself, about numbing the pain of losing the woman I loved. I didn’t even care about them or their safety. Now I’ve gone and fucked it all up. Knowing my ex-wife and how vindictive she is, I won’t be able to see my kids for a long time even with strict supervision.”

He began weeping, and I allowed him to sit in his emotions. I’d never seen him cry once, even when I knew he was upset about his divorce, and later when he lost shared custody of his children. Perhaps this was the first time he had given himself the permission to feel the grief of losing what made his world brighter. His entire body shook with emotions as he cried out.

“I’m sorry, Lina,” he said again. “For everything. I’m sorry for being as selfish as I was.”

My lips trembled. “I could bail you out, but we’re going to have to set up some ground rules⁠—”

Neng frowned and cut me off at once. “For what? Save your money, Lina. The sentence I got is easy, alright? Six months here is nothing. It’s shit, but it’s the rude awakening I needed.”

“But Neng—” I started.

“I did some horrible shit to you, too, remember? Don’t you remember how I stalked and harassed the hell out of you to the point you threatened to call the police on me? How many times did you have to do that?”

I couldn’t say anything as the emotions surging in my chest made it harder to breathe again. It forced me to take in slower breaths. My vision grew hazy and my eyes burned.

Neng was charged with misdemeanor violations of public intoxication, battery, and vandalism of private property. Due to all of his prior DUI offenses, he was sentenced to six months of mandatory jail time, enrollment in a mandatory anger management program, and probation of up to one year with mandatory counseling and Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. His driver’s license was also suspended for an additional year.

My brother’s eyes brimmed with tears. “It’s so easy for me to forget how much of an adult you are now. My baby sister’s all grown up, and she’s a pharmacist too.” He smiled wide and proud. “I don’t tell you this enough, but I’m so fucking proud of you, Lina.”

I sobbed. “Your kids are going to make you even more proud, Neng.”

“Yeah,” he cried. He nodded, a fresh set of tears rolling down his cheeks. “Because you’re their aunt, and you’ve shown them it’s possible to do great things and become anything they want to be—even with a stupid, horrible father like me.”

We wept together. This was the closest and most honest I’d ever been with my older brother since becoming an adult.

“Thank you for everything, Lina,” he said a moment after a guard announced we didn’t have much time left.