Page 70 of Strictly Against Policy

I inhaled the scent of the soft floral shampoo from her damp hair. “No, I’m . . . fine, and I’m sorry. Have you eaten?”

“No, I was waiting for you.”

I pulled away from our hug, blowing out a long breath. “Why did you do that? You should’ve just eaten without me.”

Lina frowned. Her lips looked pouty and kissable. “Why not? We’re supposed to have dinner together.”

My chest ached. “Yeah, and I didn’t follow through. I’m sorry, Lina.”

I reached out to brush my thumb against the tops of her cheeks; she leaned into my touch. She sighed, nuzzling into me. “You trust me, right?” she stated.

“Of course. Always.”

She kissed my palm, making my heart hurt more than before. “You said you’re fine, but you don’t look or sound fine, Jonathan. What’s wrong? You can tell me.”

I swallowed hard, unsure whether I should unload my family problems onto Lina. No family is perfect, not even mine. And with her family’s own problems, was it fair?

Would I be unloading too much on her? Did I care too much? About Mom? About Julie?

Her dark eyes looked at me, big and warm, quietly telling me she was here with me. She squeezed her smaller hand over mine to give me the strength to speak. Despite the guilt building up in me, I took it.

“It’s . . . my mom,” I finally answered.

“What?” Lina’s voice was exasperated.

I withdrew from her touch. “I found out my mom’s dating again—” I breathed, shakily. Then, it all came out without any hesitation: “That’s why I went over to Julie and Andy’s place. I needed to know if my sister knew, and I needed to make sense of my emotions. It’s stupid, I know.”

Tears clouded my vision for a moment, blurring her and the look on her face; her wide eyes and her parted, full lips. Perhaps it was for the better that I couldn’t fully see her as the regret continued to grow from the deepest depths of my chest.

“I’m sorry,” I apologized. “I shouldn’t have just left like that. I know we made plans, and I just deserted you to take care of my own problems.”

Lina’s gentle hand on my chest soothed the heaves tumbling out of me. When I blinked, I could finally see the way her big eyes glistened. Light from her living room lamp caught them in a sad sparkle.

“Jonathan, you don’t have to keep apologizing to me, and what you’re feeling isn’t stupid,” she said softly. “I know how much you love your mom and sister. If anything, I’m sorry I wasn’t reliable enough for you to trust me with what’s wrong.”

“It’s not that, Lina.” I took her hand in mine and kissed each fingertip slowly. “No. I just didn’t want to burden you with my family’s issues.”

“You don’t think that’s how I felt when you found out my brother’s been—” Her voice began to crack with emotion as her expression crumbled, tears budding around her eyes. “Stalking and harassing me. You don’t think that’s how I felt when you offered to help me?”

For a long time, we simply looked into the dark depths of each other’s eyes. There, we discovered the pain we carried from being too much or never enough, the fear of burdening others, and the warmth of empathy and compassion. If there were anyone who could understand me the most, it would be Lina Lee.

She’d seen the best and the absolute fucking worst of me—now, at my most vulnerable—the same way I’d seen her in her most raw, exposed, and entirely unguarded state. The true Lina Lee.

“I’m sorry,” I said, cupping her face with both my hands.

Tears fell down her cheeks as she sighed. “Why are you apologizing again? Jonathan, it’s okay. We’re okay.”

I pulled her face into mine, my lips ghosting over hers. “I know, I know. But I’m sorry for thinking I was too much for you.”

“You and I are more alike than you think,” she breathed.

I nuzzled my nose across her cheekbone to her ear as she pulled me closer with a tug on my shirt. I kissed her temple softly. She shuddered against my firm body.

“Fire and fire. Burning with the desire to win—and yet, always making certain to contain ourselves into the molds we’d forge ourselves into. We are one and the same,” I murmured.

Her hold on my shirt tightened. “Kiss me.”

I did as she demanded, biting and sucking my way through her mouth, until we toppled onto her soft bed. How we got there was beyond me. All I could see was her clear, bright eyes as she looked up at me. Her hair splayed against her sheets in this sensual, messy manner. Her cheeks tinged pink, and her lips were red from my ministrations.