Page 4 of Scotlander

Garrish, Gottlieb and Greenweed

Family, Divorce and Probate Law

10879 Hooker Avenue

West Covina, CA 91791

Willaford Genevieve Jenkins

328 1/2 Loma Linda Drive

Los Angeles, CA 90023

Dear Miss Jenkins,

Allow me to offer my condolences for your recent loss. My name is Elijah Gottlieb, a probate lawyer based in West Covina. I had the pleasure of meeting your friend Valentina Ortiz before her unfortunate and, may I say, tragically early, passing.

She made it very clear that you would be immensely annoyed if I chose the more conventional method of informing you of her Wishes Letter (sending you a copy) and has asked, instead, that you come to our offices for a formal reading of said missive.

Her immediate family, as you know, have already relocated to Austin, Texas so will not be at the reading.

She also requested that I inform you that this is not a joke and that our business address is (quote) ‘definitely not a clue to go to Hooters and order the bacon-wrapped wings and fish tacos (it totally is) and that when you go, please dress up, double down on the order and invite that cute bartender who is always flirting with you to join even though you think he isn’t into you. He is. Make sure you raise a glass of that crappy lite beer you drink to me and cheer for the right team (Texas Stars Forever!!!!). Still bossy in heaven! Love ya, chica. Remember: carbs are your friend’ (end quote).

I have scheduled you in at 9.30 a. m. on Monday morning so you are going against traffic, but please do ring if you need a different time as Valentina also expressed concern that you would have to work for those ‘estúpidos idiotas que no reconocerían a un genio si ella caminara y se sentara en su cara’ (sic).

Warm regards,

Elijah Gottlieb

Elijah Gottlieb

Probate and Family Law

Twitter: @Lawfulfalafels

Podcast: Yenta Knows Best

Instagram: @Lawfulfalafels

Chapter Three

The first time Willa drove past the lawyer’s office she missed it. She’d been expecting something akin to the towering glass and chrome structures in Century City. Hushed corridors where LA’s most expensive lawyers battled out the likes of Kim and Kanye’s squillions or which studio stole whose reworked idea first. She definitely hadn’t banked on this.

Like most 1970s Southern Californian strip malls, there was a doughnut shop, a mani-pedi salon, a laundromat, a vitamin store, a pop-up bubble tea store and a restaurant. In this case, one called Lawful Falafels.

The number on the door matched the one on the law firm, so, half laughing that her bestie had still retained her sense of humour even while she was dying, and half terrified that this was some sort of cruel joke, Willa sat, staring at the storefront, knowing that the one thing she most wanted to find behind the door was Valentina.

Her phone rang. She briefly considered not answering it, but dutiful employee that she was, picked it up when she saw the TiTs exec producer’s name flashing on her screen.

Putting on a scratchy voice, she answered, ‘Hey, Martina. Everything okay?’

‘Wonderful. Tip top. Listen, sugar. I heard about your little upchuck incident over the weekend and wanted to say thank you for not bringing whatever contagion it is you’re carrying into the fold.’

I hope you’re feeling better, Willa. Please accept my deepest sympathies that you’re not feeling well. A florist is on the way.

‘Always happy to take one for the team.’

‘Good girl. Now, just as an FYI, the Four Seasons are doing a deep clean on the kitchen and are hoping that’ll do as regards any food poisoning lawsuits? They’ve got five junkets on this week, so staying schtum sounds a good course of action, yeah?’ No pause for a response. ‘Anyway, while I’ve got you, I thought I’d run through a little bit of business to keep the wheels turning before you jump back in the saddle.’