Page 74 of The Star in Room 7

“You’ve got nothing to be sorry for, baby. It’s all right. She’s not here. I am. I’ve got you. I’m not going to let you go.”

I have no idea how long he embraces me for. As long as it takes me to stop crying, and then longer still. Eventually, I relax in his arms, my energy spent. I’m raw.

“How could she?” I ask, anger replacing sorrow and shock. “How could she?”

I pull away from Nate, stagger to my feet, grab her lingerie, and fling it across the room. It slaps against the wall and drops to the floor. I tear the back off the photo frame and rip the photo of the two of us out, relieved to find the one of my family safely tucked behind it. I drop the frame and rip the photo into two, then two again, and two again, before tossing the pieces aside. They flutter onto the bed and carpet. I turn, hands clutching my hair, unsure what to do next.

Nate pulls me into his arms again. “It’s over, Zach.”

“Is it? She’s still wandering around. How can I relax knowing I might run into her again? They let her out, Daddy. They let her out on bail.”

“I know, sweet boy. I know.” He cups my face. “But I will keep you safe, and you never have to come back here again.”

“I shouldn’t have come back here at all.” I fall into his arms again. “What was the point? Why did I come here? Why?”

He holds me so tightly, I have no choice but to relax in his grip. “I think you needed to.”

I shake my head, but I know he’s right. Not to ‘reclaim the space’, as Patrick put it, but because deep down, I needed to know. Now I know, I can process everything. Now I know, I can work on putting this whole, horrible affair behind me. I can talk to Patrick about how violated I feel. I can talk, and I can heal.

“I wish none of this had ever happened,” I murmur. At the same time, I don’t wish that at all, because then I’d never have gone to Halo House. I’d never have met Nate.

“You’re going to be all right,” Nate tells me. “You’re going to be stronger because of this.”

“You really think so?”

He smiles. “I know so, sweet boy.”

“How?”

“Because you’re already stronger than when I met you. Because you’re tougher than you think, and because you’re willing to ask for help now. You’ll be fine.”

I take a deep breath and glance around the room again. “Will you come back before my lease runs out and pack everything up?”

“Of course. Whatever you need.”

I gesture toward my underwear and my scattered toys. “Please throw all that junk away.” It pains me to call my expensive sex toys junk, but there’s no way I can touch them ever again.

“I will. Why don’t you wait in the car, and I’ll get rid of them now?”

“Okay.”

He escorts me to the car and leaves me locked inside it. I stare at the apartment as he carries two big bags out and takes them to the shared bins in the alley. He goes back inside, probably to wash his hands, and then reappears, carrying the photo frame and pile of fan mail. He locks up, putting what he’s carrying onto the back seat as he joins me in the car. I’ve never wanted to kiss him so badly.

“Where do you want to go now?” he asks.

I should say Halo House. For now, it’s my home. “Can we go back to yours, please, Daddy?”

He nods and, without another word, puts the car into drive. God, I love him. I want to be the man he deserves. A man who can make him happy, every minute of every day. I want to be someone I can look at in the mirror, without feeling scared or ashamed.

20

NATE

It’s a nice day when I arrive at the graveyard. The sun is fierce, but a slight breeze takes the sting of the heat away. Leaves rustle overhead as I walk down quiet, well-kept paths to a small plot. I tidy the grave, plucking out weeds and removing dead flowers, before laying a fresh bunch in front of the gray marble headstone. It’s not the original headstone, but a replacement I paid for as soon as I had the means. Kurt deserved better than a cheap grave marker.

I rest my hand on top of the stone. “I know it’s been a while. I just wanted to let you know I’m doing okay.” I brush my thumb over the stone. “I’ve met someone, and they’ve finally helped me understand that I couldn’t have done anything else to help you.” A shuddering breath escapes me. “I blamed myself for so long, but I don’t have to carry that guilt around anymore.”

The wind picks up, tugging a leaf off the branch above me. It floats down, landing on the gravestone. Tears well in my eyes as the leaf twirls to the ground and then tumbles away across the grass, carried by the playful wind. A memory stirs in my mind, of Kurt and me sitting on the hill overlooking our town.