Page 119 of The Tartan Thesis

“Like what?” I ask, curious.

“Like, did you piss the bed?”

I laugh for the first time in two weeks. “No, no. Nothing like that.”

“What then?” She brings up her other hand, a second finger poised for attack.

“Short version: he humored me, we went out, he decided it wasn’t for him, he left.” I manage to keep my voice from cracking, but it’s no easy feat. I turn and keep walking to have something to do.

“That’s it?” she asks as she jogs to catch up.

It’s not. It’s not even close. But it’s the version she’s getting.

“The specifics aren’t important,” I say, forcing my shoulders into something that resembles a shrug. “The fact is, Torin doesn’t want to date me.”

The admission hurts less this time than before. I need to make it my mantra until I come to terms with it.

Torin doesn’t want to date me. Torin doesn’t want to—

“And why the hell not?” she asks, throwing her arms up. “You’re perfect for each other.”

“I’m sorry?” I ask in genuine confusion.

“You are!” she yells, County Galway coming in hot. “You bring him out of his shell, he reins you in when you go charging off. You’re both smart and fit, and, as previously stated, you both think the other is too good for you.”

She makes some decent points, but she’s wrong on others.

“Maeve, I appreciate you, but Torin doesn’t think I’m too good for him. Pretty sure it’s the other way around. He said some things…” I trail off, not wanting to play his words back again for the millionth time.

“What did he say?” she asks, already bristling. “I’ll not have anyone talking shite about my American pet.”

I laugh again. It feels good. “Your American pet?”

“Don’t change the subject,” she says, waving a scolding finger. “What did Torin say to you?”

“It’s nothing,” I say. “It was all out of context anyway. I can’t be sure of anything.”

“Well, let me know if I ever need to have a little Celtic throwdown with him. I’ll poke the ever-living shite out of him.”

Another laugh escapes me, my mood improving with every step.

“Please don’t go poking anyone on my behalf,” I tell her and push her finger down.

She hums but doesn’t seem convinced.

“Really, it’ll be fine,” I say. “What I need to do is move on.” I glance ahead, fixing my eyes on the path instead of her. “Despite all the things we had in our favor, whatever we had is over. He’s committed to his studies, and I came here for a reason. I need to focus and let him do the same.”

Even after everything that happened, I want Torin to be happy. If research can give him what I can’t, then who am I to argue? I’m sure he knows what’s best for him, and I can’t keep wallowing like this. We both deserve better than the mess we made.

“If you’re sure, then I’ll not bother you about it,” she says, “but if you ever need to talk or just want some company, then you better tell me. I can’t endure those sad puppy dog eyes much longer without doing something about it.”

“I promise I’ll let you know if I need anything,” I say, pulling her into a side hug. “You’re a good friend, Maeve.”

“I am, aren’t I?” she says, wrapping an arm around me, leaning her head on my chest. After a few more paces, she releases me. “That’s enough of that. Now, onto happier subjects.”

We walk back toward the office, talking about summer plans and what we’ll do when we don’t have so much to read. It’s such a nice day that I almost forget for a few blissful minutes that I’m still in love with Torin.

Almost.