Page 81 of The Tartan Thesis

Warmth surges through me at her words, goosebumps erupting across my skin. Trust is a strong foundation for any relationship and something that’s been tough to build with Torin. I can see the hesitation in him sometimes, the way he pulls back just when things start to feel too close.

He hasn’t said much about his past relationships, but I can tell he’s struggling to put his faith in someone new. Torin’s been burned before, and now he shies away from the flames. But if Margaret says he trusts me, then I hope I can help him find his way to the fire again.

“And I can tell how much you mean to him,” she says, pulling me from my thoughts.

She looks up at me, her face hopeful, eyes shining, the protective instinct in her expression unmistakable. She’s not just talking, she’s asking.

Our steps slow to a halt, the other dancers continuing to swirl around us. I haven’t even told Torin how I feel—with words, anyway—and telling his mother feels dangerously close to stepping over a line. But I can’t leave her standing here with that question in her eyes. She needs to know her son will be okay.

I take both of her hands in mine and look her in the eyes, my voice deep, quavering, and earnest. “He means a lot to me, too.”

She holds my gaze for another moment, and I see the smallest tremble of her jaw before she exhales and relaxes, a tentative smile coming to her lips.

“Good,” she says as the song comes to an end.

I’m about to say more when Callum walks up and asks Margaret for a dance. I pass her hand to his with a bow of my head and make my way to a quiet corner to think.

I’ve been dying to talk to Torin properly since the night of our kiss, but we’ve circled each other for days, and he’s given me zero signals. Or maybe I just don’t know how to read them. Maybe I should’ve kissed him again when we crunched across the snow to see that old stone circle. Or grabbed his hand again while driving in the car. Anything.

I’d hoped he would initiate something this time, but he hasn’t, and I’m lost. Lost without him in my arms, his lips pressed to mine.

I need it.

I need him.

All of him.

Friendship is no longer enough for me. It hasn’t been for a while now. The hunger he showed when we kissed… I can’t be the only one who wants to push this further.

Mind made up, I set my trepidations aside, grabbing a glass of whisky as I rejoin the crowd.

I’m going to enjoy the rest of the night, take in all this experience has to offer, and when the time is right, I will make it more clear than ever exactly how I feel about Torin.

And I don’t care who sees.

25

Torin

Lang May Yer Lum Reek

Translation: Long may your chimney smoke

Usage: To wish someone a long, happy, warm, and prosperous life, often at Hogmanay

I always enjoy playing the pipes, especially when I get to play with others, so I don’t notice at first. It isn’t until a few songs in that I spot Beau off to one side of the dance floor, standing by himself. His gaze is steady, focused, in a way that makes my fingers stumble for half a beat before I recover. It’s the same look he had earlier when he squeezed my leg under the table. Part of me wants to look away. Another part likes it, and I straighten, letting the music fortify me as I lean into the tune. When I’m playing, I feel my most authentic self.

And Beau is watching me and seems to like what he sees. He likes me. The real me.

I lose track of him as the night goes on but see him again later, dancing with my mother, my heart warming at the smile on her face as he spins her.

A few minutes before midnight, I finish my set with the band and step down from the stage to applause. Beau is already striding toward me. He presses a glass into my hand and pulls me into a hug.

“That was incredible, Torin,” he says in my ear, his lips brushing my cheek as he pulls back; I shiver.

I’m saved from having to find words for a reply when Freya takes over the microphone. “Alright, everyone! Two minutes to midnight!”

We set down our drinks on the nearest table, and Beau grabs my hand. His fingers close around mine as the countdown to the new year begins.