Page 44 of Hooked on Trouble

Unless I act on that call.

The burden has me sinking heavier onto my stool. I don’t normally unload on Doug. I never bend his ear about my life. But I couldn’t talk to Raven about Alessi’s offer, and I sure as shit can’t talk it out with my family. The pressure builds, the words expanding in my chest. Before I think better of it, I say, “Would you do something you shouldn’t to help someone you love?”

Doug pushes a coaster in front of me and places my glass on top. He rubs the gray scruff on his chin. “Depends on the something and the someone.”

Fair point. But I can’t go into detail, can’t risk anyone connecting the dots if I choose to break the law. “Just some personal stuff. Bending the rules to keep someone’s life on track.”

He squints at me, his gray eyes clouded with age. “Look, son, I’ve known you a lot of years. Seen you grow into the man you are. You and your friends, you’re good people. You talk nice to my customers and never mouth off to me. Far as I can tell, you’re a respectable man, and a respectable man should always trust his gut. Like my granddaddy used to say, ‘The only person you’re forced to live with is yourself.’”

He goes on about the time his granddad caught him spray painting a neighbor’s barn, how he and his friends were just playing a prank, but I tune out. I know what my gut is telling me. It’s been twisting so damn hard, it’s impossible to ignore. Breaking the law and risking my job are things I swore I’d never do. I’ve seen shit go down at work. I’ve been aware of cops coloring outside the lines. But that’s not me. If I force a false confession, the time I put in at the rec center, teaching kids to do the smart thing, would all be a lie. The man I am, the things I’ve done, would all be worthless.

But not doing it means my innocent brother goes to jail.

Alessi walks in and scouts the place for me. Doug barely takes a breath as my partner comes over and leans on the bar. The old man goes on about his grandfather’s rules and wisdom for a few more minutes, then he gets Alessi his drink. After one last story, the two of us retire to a booth for privacy.

Usually Alessi would bust right into a story about some chick he picked up, but his face is drawn. “They arrested five guys with enough meth to close the case quickly, but none claim to know where Jericho is. No matter what you decide, the Tyler punk will end up with jail time. A confession from him to clear Josh will only add more years to an existing sentence.”

Only add more years. As if forcing a false confession is child’s play. “This can only end badly.”

He locks eyes with me. “This Tyler kid’s a major screw-up. Even has a history of assault. I promise you, if we do this, Josh will walk.”

“How the hell can you promise that? You have a crystal ball or something?”

“Keep your fucking voice down.” He scans the room and sinks lower in his seat. “I’m doing what I can here. You need a goddamn miracle, and I’m offering you one.”

A country singer croons in the background about his life stalling worse than his truck. The soundtrack to my turmoil. My gut churns, my fists clenched so roughly my nails almost break skin. “This isn’t a miracle. This is coercion.”

Before, thinking about Josh going away was bad. Worse than bad. I’d pace at home or hit the gym for hours. As much as it gnawed at me, it never felt as sickening as this…this nausea. My head pounds. Sweat breaks out on my temples.

It reminds me of being eight years old and dumb. In a rare moment of affection, my father took me out for a cigarette run. It was a stupid car ride, a nothing twenty minutes together, but he didn’t call me worthless and didn’t snarl at me in anger. I watched him grab sunglasses from a rack and shove them in his pocket. Back in the car, he gave them to me. A gift, he’d said. The only one I’d ever received. I was pumped and wore them inside all day. Felt special. It was also the first night I heard him hit my mother. I’d seen the odd bruise, but they always came with excuses. Hearing the thuds and cries filled me with rage and shame. Here I was, an idiot, coveting a fucking gift from the man, when I should have been protecting my mother. Instead of crushing the glasses, I hid them, sure the cops would bust down our door any minute. I was a sweaty, panicked mess until I snuck them back into the store.

Now I’m considering coercion.

Alessi leans closer. “You don’t have to be involved. I’ll do it, keep you out to avoid suspicion. Give me the go-ahead, and I make the charges against Josh disappear.”

“It’s not that simple.”

“It can be.”

“Shit always finds a way of getting out. Nothing is as easy as it seems.” I should be saying no. Should have said no the second he walked through that door. What the hell is wrong with me?

“I’m telling you, this is open and shut. I could turn Tyler on a dime. He has a brother up on charges, too. Some pornography thing, but the evidence is nonexistent. If I promise to get his brother off, he’ll sing whatever tune I play.”

My heart knocks in my ears. My throat dries. I wipe the sweat from my forehead.

“Okay,” I croak. Fuck. Fuckfuckfuck.

“Okay?” He looks as shocked as I feel.

I can’t say it again, can’t even believe it came out of my mouth. The room sways, and I dig the heels of my hands into my eyes, verging on a panic attack. What have I done? Everything I do bleeds through the ranks, to Josh, down to Colin and Jack, too. Those boys need to understand the difference between right and wrong, and here I am, just another dirty cop. I hear Alessi punching numbers into his phone. Hear his hushed voice say things like yeah and he’s in and keep it quiet.

Sudden fury has me wanting to ram my head into a wall, rip the phone from Alessi’s hand and smash it with my fist. Send a punch into his ribs. He taunted me with a poisoned apple. Coaxed me to take a bite. I did it, willingly, but he set these wheels in motion, and it feels like a betrayal.

I reach across the table and grab his wrist. “Call it off.”

He stares at the phone then at me. “Come on, bro. Think this through.”

My night with Raven flashes in my mind, how she confessed her regrets, and the words I spoke. Our past choices shape us, but our future ones define us. My own truth taunts me, reinforcing what I already know: I can’t do this. Can’t break the law, even to save my brother.