Page 90 of 50 Ways to Win Back Your Lover

Point taken, but I’m suddenly pleased I dropped the ball and didn’t find out if Sadie’s in a relationship. “If she’s married or taken, Desmond will implode. I think we can all agree on that.”

My brothers nod. Mom’s back is still facing us, but she says softly, “It will destroy him.”

It will feel like he’s moving through quicksand, deadened limbs useless as he struggles through each day. At least, that’s how I feel. “Which is why it’s excellent I didn’t ask Sadie if she’s hitched or otherwise taken. I have her contact and could call her to ask, but I won’t.”

Jake curls his lip. “Why not?”

“If we find Desmond, can we all agree it’s best if I break the news to him?”

Detonating that blast isn’t a job I want, but I’m the one of us who chases him when he storms off, trying to understand his pain. I’m also the only one who lost his first love too, and I’m the only one who knows he planned to propose. Des trusts me the most, and they didn’t exactly do a bang-up job at our last family tête-à-tête.

My brothers nod again. Even Jake, grudgingly.

Mom, whose back is still facing us, says, “It has to be you.”

“And can we all agree I’m crap at hiding my emotions? And if Sadie is married or shacked up with some guy, I’ll crumple, and Des will read me plain as day and freak out and make this situation miles worse than it already is?”

Lennon folds his arms and leans into Cal’s ear. “His hair’s different too. Less Justin Bieber and more Zac Efron. He’s definitely an impostor.”

“A smart one,” Cal says. “None of us should find out. If he doesn’t think he has a chance to be with his family the way he’d want, Des might vanish forever.”

Mom finally turns, her face pale and eyes red. “Agreed. None of us asks.”

Lennon and Cal agree to avoid the relationship question, but Jake’s the holdout. His jaw bunches, his teeth grinding as he struggles to gain his composure. I do the only thing I can think of. I march over to him and grip his upper arms, usurping his oldest-brother move with flair.

“We’ll be okay,” I tell him. I’m not sure the prediction’s true, but it’s all I’ve got. “Des will be okay.”

His breath wheezes through his nose, the tendons in his neck flexing taut. The longer I grip him, the less his eyeballs look like they want to squash my face. Gradually, the lines of his jaw smooth. Finally, he tilts his head, squints one eye at me. “Something’s off with his chin. He’s definitely an impostor.”

At least the Bowers can find humor in horrible situations. “Thank you all for being supremely annoying. What do you say we get to work?”

Finally on the same page, we crowd around our small coffee table, pad of paper and pen in the middle, taking turns jotting down names of people and places. The list is short. I’m not sure it’ll help, but doing something feels better than doing nothing, as has been our fate the past ten years.

When Lennon makes another crack about me being an impostor, I give him my smuggest face. “Maggie asked me to ask you if you’d like to play a round of truth or dare.”

He turns to stone, eyes shifting nervously. “I have no clue what you’re talking about.”

“Really? Because Maggie and I have gotten close.” In the way vipers and mice consider themselves pals. “She tells me everything.”

Lennon smells my lie and says, “Fuck off.”

I’ll find another tactic to make him crack, on a day when we’re not all hopped up on adrenaline, trying to play Battleship in search of Desmond’s coordinates. And when I’m not drowning in my own misery. For now, we divvy up names and places and agree to keep one another posted. They all hug Mom extralong before they leave, everyone pretending like they’re not breaking. Except me. The way Mom shakes against me and tells me she’s so happy I have Delilah, I don’t stand a chance. My dulled senses flare back to life.

I crumple, hunching over her, sucking in ragged breaths.

“E, honey. What is it?”

There’s no one here but us. Lennon’s outside, seeing the others off. I don’t want to load Mom with more heartache, but I can’t keep this secret from her. “Delilah and I broke up. Being with me is too hard for her.”

She pulls out of my death grip and searches my face. “Too hard?”

I’m not ready to share Delilah’s devastating ordeal. I’ve barely had time to digest what she suffered, and I’ve only heard a fraction of her nightmare. We were too raw in the moment.

Choosing my words carefully, I say, “While I’m part of her best memories, I’m also part of her worst. There’s too much pain in our history to move past it.”

“But you love each other.”

“We do.” So damn much, but according to Delilah, love doesn’t conquer all.