Page 44 of 10 Signs You Need to Grovel

“How about I get excited for you?”

She laughs. “Sounds good to me.”

“Guess it’s good you met Joseph. Seems like he’s a big part of your career.” And nothing more, if I have anything to say about it.

“He’s wonderful,” she says, clueless to my simmering jealousy. “He wanted to show me some pieces in person, which is why he’s here. And my car needed work. He met me at our first hike so I could drop it off at the mechanic’s. He’s staying here and was nice enough to shuttle me around for a few days afterward.”

An explanation I’d like to accept and run with, but I can’t let this go without specifics. My imagination has become a living, breathing beast, picturing them enjoying a bottle of wine together, discussing art, their shared passion leading to shared smiles and occasional hookups, kisses and moans as they . . . nope. No thanks. I crack my neck.

“I know I have no right to ask this, and you already said you’re single, but this Joseph guy.” My heart thrashes wildly, trying to race through the phone line. “Is there something between you two?”

All I get is heavy breathing. Mine and hers. Then, “No.” The word is whispered, so soft I have to press the phone harder to my ear. “We’re just friends and coworkers.”

Too relieved to speak, all I can do is grunt. Translation: Thank fucking God.

“Sorry to push the single subject.” I’m whispering too. No clue why. “I just feel a lot when I’m around you.”

She exhales softly, this conversation turning intimate. The setting sun makes me wish she were on a matching lawn chair, her feet kicked up beside mine, the evening opening up before us. Or maybe I like this better. Her soft voice in my ear, nothing to distract me from our words.

“I feel it too,” she says eventually. “All our history. But yeah, the dating thing—it’s always been hard for me. I don’t let men meet Max. Not unless I’m sure it’s long term.”

“Has anyone been long term enough to meet him?”

Her pause lingers. “One guy.”

The knowledge is a physical blow. A man shared her bed and her life. A man who maybe helped raise my son. “How long ago?”

“Three years, and losing him was hard on Max. So no, I haven’t dated in a while. I’m not sure how to do both. How to be a mom and a woman with her own selfish needs.”

“Honey, having needs isn’t selfish. That’s being human.”

“Doesn’t make it easy.”

Her words sound like a warning of sorts. That she maybe wants to reconnect as badly as I do, but she’s worried about what it all means for Max. I’m not just some random guy. I’m his dad. If Sadie and I date, and for some reason we don’t work out, he’s the one who’d be hurt the most. Implications I’ll have to consider more fully. “You’re an incredible mother, Sadie. Always putting Max first.”

“He’s an incredible kid, so it’s not hard. Most of the time.”

“Do you do anything just for yourself? Without Max?”

“Not often, but when we lived in Tennessee, I’d occasionally do a painting and wine class with a group of women. I’m not talented like Max, but it was fun to get out and talk with adults. And I’m really good at axe throwing.”

“Axe throwing?” I picture tiny Sadie wearing camo, holding a massive axe, murder in her narrowed eye. “Moving targets or stationary?”

“Stationary, but I bet I could hit a moving target. That would actually be fun.”

“So what you’re saying is you love to imagine murdering people?”

“No! But I love the power of it. Feeling like I can control this primitive tool that can also be a weapon. It makes me feel strong. Unfortunately, there isn’t an axe-throwing place in Windfall.”

But I bet I could create something for her. “If I tossed an axe, I’d probably have to stick a picture of my father on the target.”

“Count me in for that,” she says, her voice harder.

I run my hand up the back of my neck. “I’m sorry. Really wish I could go back and murder him.”

“I thought we were done with apologies.”

“Right.” I shift on my chair, still heart-deep in this moment, not ready to lose this connection. I need to think more on her worries about Max, how they relate to her dating. How we can test our boundaries while being careful with his feelings and making Sadie comfortable.