Page 7 of 10 Signs You Need to Grovel

“I didn’t ask.”

“Why didn’t you ask?” I move to crowd him, grab him, shake him.

Callahan steps his big body in my way. “E was understandably shocked when Sadie found him. He didn’t think to ask.”

Yeah, okay. That makes sense. Kind of. My first ten minutes with this knowledge was spent with my face in a toilet. But E’s been after me to call him back for five months. They’ve all clearly met my son and Sadie during that time. Mom would have been dying to meet her grandson.

Mom. I squeeze my eyes shut, clenching my fists until my jagged nails cut my skin. Mom lost everything: the husband she falsely trusted, aspects of her kids when our innocence and happiness were put through a trash compactor. Her friends. Her life. Now this?

I can’t ask about Mom and find out if this news was the last straw. A guy can only take so much. And my brothers are toying with me. I force my eyes open and scowl at them. “You’ve all seen Sadie and met Max, yeah?”

“We have,” Cal says.

“And none of you thought to ask if she’s single?” Swear to God, my head might explode from this piercing headache.

“Oh, no. We did.” Lennon grins. “We decided it’s not our business.”

I curl my lip. “Which one of you wants his teeth knocked out first?”

They all point at Lennon, who balks. “What did I do?”

“Look.” Jake intervenes, clasping the back of my neck, forcing my likely wild eyes to meet his. “We’re done with lies in this family.” His grip on my neck tightens. “If she’s with someone else, we figured you’d cut and run again. E thought it was better if we didn’t ask and open up that possibility. So while we’ve seen her and Max a few times, and she’s always come alone, we haven’t asked specifics, and she didn’t offer. Whatever her relationship status, you need to swallow this pain, step up, and be a father to your son. If you want to know if Sadie’s single and you three can be a proper family, you’ll have to ask her yourself.”

A proper family. Has this guy seen my face? The horrible ink forever etched into my skin? And I’m not exactly flush with cash. I have savings from earning tips and living small, but not enough to pay for a kid’s sports programs and college tuition.

Another glance in the mirror has a worse thought sucker punching me. Of the five of us, I’m the one who looks most like our father, the man who lied to us for years, made the Everest of selfish decisions, and ruined our mother’s and our lives. What if I inherited more than a strong jaw, thick eyelashes, and lactose intolerance from him?

I mean, Jesus. I’m standing here thinking about Sadie’s relationship status, how that affects me, when all I should be worried about is my kid.

Unable to handle another “You can do it!” pep talk, I shove past my brothers and bolt from the bar.

THREE

For as long as I can remember, my outside hasn’t matched my inside. In my early twenties I was all jock, clean cut and cocky and put together, but I still worried I’d blank in a courtroom.

During my nights with Sadie, we’d sometimes lie on my bed or outside stargazing, wrapped around each other, talking quietly about our hopes and dreams.

“I applied for the summer internship at the Contemporary Art Museum,” she whispered one night. “The one in Raleigh.”

We lay on the rocky edge of Bear Lake, listening to the murmur of the water as I stroked her soft hair. “It’s the perfect fit for you, but you sound nervous?”

“I just want it so bad. I mean, I’d basically be a glorified coffee fetcher, but it’s a start. And I’d be around such creative people. Hopefully prove myself enough that they’d hire me for a real job after school. And I could work my way up. Maybe even curate art one day, build the kind of exhibitions that change how people think.” She slumped into me on a sigh. “I hate wanting something this much, even though it’s not even a real job.”

“You, Sadie Jones, are clever and creative. Anyone would be lucky to have you, and it is real. It’s the start of your dreams. But yeah, I get the fear. I feel like that about Duke.”

“You’re worried you won’t get in?”

“I have to get in.” I’d recently sent in my application. Had worked my ass off and was sure I’d be accepted, but I’d been uneasy since, something bigger than the admissions process making me edgy.

“There are other schools,” Sadie said. “It doesn’t matter where you study.”

“Duke is the real deal, Sprite. The best law school in the state. It’ll change our future.” Allow me to give her everything she deserved. Security. Happiness. A pretty house with beautiful artwork on the walls. No yelling parents and sleepless nights. “Getting in will set us up for life. It’s Duke or die.”

“So dramatic,” she teased, then ran her nose up my neck. “I have no doubt it’ll be Duke.”

“But what if I graduate and realize I’m not smart enough in the end?”

It was dark out, the moon brushing Sadie with a faint glimmer. She pushed up to her elbow and gazed down at me. “Not smart enough for what?”