Page 89 of 6 Clues Your Nemesis Loves You

I love that my family cares. Honestly, I do. They are the fucking best and I love the shit out of them, but now’s not the time. I turn up the music, switch the stations until a rock song blares. I squeeze the steering wheel so hard I’m shocked it doesn’t crack.

Maggie’s I can’t take it anymore twists with the knowledge of my new half brothers, all of it tumbling together, leaving me with one awareness—I am lacking. I’m not good enough. Even my high school friends ditched me during their college years.

The windows are down. Fresh air blasts my face, but breathing gets harder.

Pressing more firmly on the gas, I gun it to my farmhouse and park in the driveway. I grab my phone, disappointed all over again that Maggie hasn’t texted me. I’m head over heels in love with her, and she can’t even ask me how my family meeting went or fill me in on her work disaster. All I got were a few angry words, and poof, she’s out of my life. Like she never really cared for me at all.

Whatever. She clearly needs something I can’t give her. Turning myself inside out to make her happy has never worked for me. What I need is space and time. An escape to get over her and deal with this new shock, and there’s only one place that can happen.

Agitated, I scroll through my messages and hit Cal’s name. He’s the most understanding of my brothers. If I message him, he’ll take me at my word and not come searching for me.

Me: I’ll be fine. But I need to get away for a bit. I’m heading camping. Probably a week with no internet. I’ll be back for my birthday. Don’t send out the National Guard. Tell Mom.

I almost power down my phone, but my thumb hovers over the name Nemesis. The last time I got upset over my father and disappeared, I worried her. When I went into WITSEC, she thought I’d abandoned her like her mother. I doubt she wants to hear from me, but the possibility of hurting her in this vital way is too much to pile on to my already shit-pile of a day.

I type out a quick message and read it over.

Me: As it turns out, my father has a new family. Two boys with another woman. And it’s crazy how betrayed I feel. How unwanted. I know we’re over and this doesn’t concern you. I guess I just wanted to write it down. I’ll be out of touch camping for a week. I’m sorry about work and that you couldn’t truly be happy with me. But I don’t regret telling you I loved you. I only regret that I just got to say it once.

On my third read, my eyes get misty.

Love, I tell ya. Cupid and his arrows should be banned from the mortal world.

I send the text and debate messaging my father the way Maggie would want. Finally yell at him about how much his dismissal hurts, but my stomach lurches. My pulse picks up. No part of me wants to speak to him, and what would be the point? Like with Maggie, pushing won’t change the outcome.

I power off my phone and drag a hand down my face. My activity programs are done until the new year. Nothing is keeping me in Windfall, and I read a great blog post last month on my favorite Get Outside North Carolina website, detailing a less-traveled trail that would fit my needs perfectly. A week away from life will calm my mind. A solo trip to curse my father, find some semblance of peace where he’s concerned. Time to accept that Maggie and I are over for good, even though the thought of losing her has a fault line cracking through my heart.

chapter thirty-one

MAGGIE

I stare out of my Jeep’s windshield, unable to press the ignition or move. Blinking is a painful effort, and I’m pretty sure my heart has forgotten how to pump. Or maybe this is how it feels when you light your own heart on fire and watch it burn.

I keep replaying my abrupt departure from Lennon, unsure what the hell is wrong with me. Except I know exactly what my problem is.

Love.

I love Lennon Bower so much—turn-your-world-upside-down-and-every-which-way love—that I panicked. Ran instead of facing the undeniable truth. Now I’ve hurt the one person who means everything to me.

What if I’ve lost him for good?

Scared I messed everything up, I finally move. Shove through my purse and yank out my phone. I need to call Lennon. Apologize to him. Explain that hearing he loved me was so freaking amazing but also terrifying. Beg him to give me another chance.

When I tap the screen, my text icon displays a message. One touch shows that the text is from him, and my pulse races. If he’s ending things, I don’t know what I’ll do.

Holding my breath, I pull up his message. By the time I get to the end, tears are sliding down my face.

Bane of My Existence: As it turns out, my father has a new family. Two boys with another woman. And it’s crazy how betrayed I feel. How unwanted. I know we’re over and this doesn’t concern you. I guess I just wanted to write it down. I’ll be out of touch camping for a week. I’m sorry about work and that you couldn’t truly be happy with me. But I don’t regret telling you I loved you. I only regret that I just got to say it once.

Fuck. Shoot.

Shit, shit, shit.

I’m furious at his father for blindsiding his family like this. I’m furious at myself for not running back to be with Lennon during this tough time.

Hiccupping on a sob, I try calling him. It goes straight to voice mail. “No,” I whisper hoarsely while jamming my finger on my Jeep’s ignition button. “No, no, no. Goddamn it, I love you so much.”

I pull out of my parking spot on Main Street and get stuck behind a slow driver taking their sweet-ass time. Nearing all-out panic, I call Delilah.