Page 176 of Dark Night of the Soul

I glanced at the kitchen table where we sat to plan. Where the surgeon stitched him together. Where Ulrich and Ludwig sat now, cards spread between them. Where they both looked at me. Ulrich with concern. Ludwig with curiosity.

“You okay?” Ludwig asked.

I made my way to the table, sat hard in the chair between them, my hands still shaking.

“Fine,” I said.

But Ludwig didn’t buy it. And then I saw it. His gaze flicking to my throat. That told me everything. Visible bruises. Proof of how close Decker had come. Pain caught when I tried to swallow. It would hurt for days.

And I realized I needed a shower, clean clothes, a toothbrush to help me feel human again. But I was too tired to move.

My gaze drifted down the hallway to the closed bedroom door.

“He’s fine. He’s sleeping,” Ludwig said.

“Took the pain meds like a good patient for once,” Ulrich said.

“Miracle,” Ludwig added.

I nodded, sitting there feeling a bit displaced. Like I’d missed something crucial while I was unconscious. Thinking I should have been the one giving him pain pills, but I’d been down for the count.

Ulrich dropped his hand of cards and went to the kitchen. He returned with a couple of soft pretzels and a cheese spread sitting on a plate in one hand and a German beer in the other. He extended both to me. I stared at it, then up at him.

“It’s called food,” Ludwig said.

I reached for it, my hands still shaking and muttered thanks. Realized I was hungry for the first time in… how long?

“I find soft pretzels and beer best during a crisis,” Ulrich said.

“Don’t listen to him, Anna, he has it all wrong.” Ludwig stood and disappeared into the tiny kitchen, then returned with a package of Prinzenrolle. “These,” he said, tapping the sleeve, “are only good in a crisis.”

And here I thought whiskey was good in a crisis. But that ritual was private and sacred for the two of us and I wouldn’t be having any again until we could share it together.

“So,” I said, “you two ply me with beer and junk food to make it all better?”

“Trust us. It’s sound medical advice,” Ludwig said, nodding like this settled the matter.

And both of them forgot about their cards. They were scattered on the table.

I tore a piece of the pretzel and dipped it into the cheese.

“You didn’t fall apart, you know,” Ludwig said. “You didn’t even flinch when I took out the bullet.”

I shrugged like it was nothing.

“What he’s trying to say, unsuccessfully, is that he’s impressed,” Ulrich said, in his calm, soothing voice.

I was starting to like these two far too much. Dangerous, that. Getting attached. But it was too late to worry about that.

“I’ve had a lot of experience not falling apart,” I said around a mouthful.

“Being with that guy,” Ludwig thumbed over his shoulder toward the bedroom, “I get it.”

I laughed.

Ludwig got up again, stepped into the kitchen, returned with two more beers. He handed one to Ulrich.

“Here’s to surviving,” he said in a mock toast. And then drank.