Page 96 of The Blessing

They watch us as we cross the restaurant’s dining room. Their once calm and impassive expressions now fill with pride as they view my little family. I can’t help but feel so incredibly fucking young and vulnerable as I walk toward my mom for the very first time. Ronnie tightens her hold on my hand, informing me that my feelings are transparent as she provides me with silent support. I glance in her direction out of the corner of my eyes and give her a tight, uncomfortable smile before looking back at my… parents. Shit, will saying that ever feel normal? Maybe I’m just pushing myself too soon.

I can’t help but notice how comfortable they look together—how happy. They look like long lost lovers. I feel happy—in a strange way—seeing my dad happy. However, I can’t help but feel wrecked at the same time. He played with my mother’s—well, the woman I thought was my mother—emotions for years. I can’t even imagine what it must’ve felt like for her to look at me. I wonder how she could stomach it.

I force an impassive look on my face as we reach the table, my dad rises to greet us. It seems that Felicity is too overwhelmed to join him. She elects to remain seated at the table; her eyes dart between Grey, Ronnie, and me. She looks happy and nervous at the same time. Oddly enough, that makes me feel slightly better, knowing I’m not the only one feeling anxious and out of place.

“Felicity, this is Trevor,” Dad begins. There’s a twinge of discomfort coloring his voice. “Trevor, this is Felicity Leigh… your biological mother.”

As Dad continues with the uncomfortable introductions, I realize that all the feelings I’d expected to have never come. I expected hostility, confusion, or the ever-crippling fucking sadness. However, I feel nothing other than a strange connection to this woman I barely know. It feels like there’s something tethering us together and it’s impossible to ignore—despite my effort. The sappy thought makes me feel even more pathetic and uncomfortable as they pass through my mind. But it’s fucking true, regardless of how corny it sounds to me. She feels like my mother. If that’s even possible.

As soon as Dad’s finished, I give her a pathetic, “Nice to meet you,” while shifting uncomfortably on my feet. I want to scream at her like a spoiled, pissed off teenager to make up for lost time. Yet, I still want her to comfort me in her arms like a small child, telling me that all this shit will be okay and she loves me. None of this happens, of course; instead, I just remain silent until my dad speaks up again.

“Sit down,” Dad jovially states with a wave of his hand at the open chairs. “We were just about to order.”

I take a seat and instead of putting Grey in his high chair, I keep him comfortably on my lap for moral support. I can’t help myself, knowing Grey’s closeness always makes me feel so much stronger. Ronnie sits beside me and gives my parents a friendly smile before glancing over the menu in front of her. As soon as we put in our drink order, Dad begins instantly boasting about my good news.

“Ronnie is Trevor’s fiancée! He asked her to marry him the other day and she said ‘yes.’ I can’t believe my son is getting married,” he finishes, throwing me a proud grin.

Ronnie blushes beside me, never liking to be the center of attention. Which is strange to me, since she should be used to receiving tons of attention by now—considering I practically shower her with it.

“Well, I couldn’t turn him down. Your son is amazing,” Ronnie says, giving me a warm smile.

I love seeing her smile at me this way. It means I must be doing something right.

“I can’t say I didn’t see it coming,” my dad teases. “He talks about you constantly. He gave me an earful before you two even started dating. You should’ve heard him, he—”

“Dad!” I cut him off. He doesn’t need to air my dirty laundry in front of my girl. That shit is so embarrassing. I know she knows how into her I was, but she doesn’t need to know about the times I’d seek advice from my old man. It’s not like I could help myself. I was completely lost when it came to taking a woman out on a proper date. Especially a woman I was quickly falling for.

“Sorry,” he says insincerely, trying hard to keep his teasing smile at bay. “Maybe I can tell you about it another time,” he tells Ronnie with a wink.

“I’d like that. I’m curious about what Trevor used to talk to you about,” she responds, shooting me a coy look out of the corner of her eye.

I can’t take my eyes off her as I shake my head in disapproval. “You don’t need to hear that sh—stuff, Ronnie.”

My gaze moves toward Felicity, who’s staring at my girl with a small, but incredibly warm, smile. “It’s wonderful to finally meet you, Ronnie. I’ve heard so much about you.”

Now that my she’s talking, my mind comes to a standstill. There’s something about hearing her voice that causes me to shut down. Part of me wonders if it’s because—deep down—I remember the sweet sound. While another part just doesn’t know what the hell to make of it. Luckily, Ronnie’s happy to speak up since I’ve become cerebral and completely lost in thought at her side. My emotions are constantly switching from anger, to wanting, to absolute and utter fucking confusion.

“I hope it’s all been good things,” Ronnie answers her with a friendly laugh. “I’ve heard a lot about you, as well.”

Felicity pales at this, knowing that whatever could’ve been said probably isn’t all that flattering. However, what could I have possibly said about her that was favorable? I only know her as the woman who left me behind without a second thought. Dad seems to notice her distress, and quickly shifts the conversation to something less upsetting to everyone. He can’t evade the topic forever, though. Sooner or later—shit is going to become uncomfortable.

“Why don’t you show us your ring, Ronnie? I’m curious to see what my son picked out,” Dad says conversationally.

Ronnie grins as she looks down at her left hand before laying her arm across the tabletop. She displays her hand for my parents to get a better look at the pearl surrounded by a circle of diamonds.

“Isn’t it gorgeous? Trevor picked it out all by himself.” She pauses, looks at Grey and then giggles. “Well, he did have some help from this little guy, I suppose,” she finishes as she reaches her hand down to tickle his stomach. He squeals in laughter and wiggles in my embrace.

“That’s wonderful,” Felicity quietly says as she stares at my girl in awe. When I look at her, her eyes drop to her lap and a blush warms her cheeks. She seems out of place and fraught, yet, she looks thrilled to be here. “I’m so happy for you two. You’re a beautiful couple.”

I can tell that my engagement has moved her more than she’s expressed. She’s come back to fill in the “mother role” and I’m gaining a family of my own. Her discomfort doesn’t sit well with me, and despite it all, I wish I could comfort her in some way. She looks so unsure about everything as she deals with our odd situation. It’s a bit unnerving to see. I shift uncomfortably in my seat.

“Thanks, Ms. Leigh. I was lucky to find him.”

Ms. Leigh sounds so fucking strange—but I can understand Ronnie’s formality. What the hell should we be calling her? Felicity seems too… well… friendly, I suppose. I know I can’t bring myself to call her “mom” just yet, if ever. Although, calling her something like “Ms. Leigh” seems too formal, especially considering the fact that this woman gave birth to me, even if she did leave me. Fuck. This whole thing is beginning to make me feel antsy. I just want to jump up and run for the door. God, I feel like a kid again and I fucking hate it. I know Grey must feel the shift in my mood because he begins to fuss on my lap until I hold him against my chest.

“You can call me ‘Felicity.’ My mother goes by ‘Ms. Leigh,’ ” she jokes with a shy smile.

Her mother… I have an entire family I don’t know a fucking thing about! Not only did I miss growing up with my biological mother, but I’ve spent my entire life being cut off from an extended family that could’ve loved me, as well. All because my mom left and my dad decided to fucking lie to me for my entire existence. I’m making every effort to forgive them, but it’s hard. The knowledge of everything I missed out on is too fucking upsetting.