Page 91 of The Cotswolds Christmas Fair

Anthony. Looking both haunted and beautiful.

He scanned the room, his expression desperate, until his eyes fell on Jen. And then he too began walking towards her.

Chapter Forty-Three

She was frozen, standing now, her gaze flicking between Anthony and Ted, who stood watching, his smile replaced by a frown.

Anthony stood in front of her, arms spread and eyes burning, and she was gratified to see that he looked broken. Shadows sat under his blue eyes and under his sharp cheekbones, bringing a whole new definition to the phrase ‘hot mess’.

‘I know you hate me,’ he said.

‘What are you doing here?’

Seeing him was bringing back all the hurt and humiliation of his betrayal, and she battled the flood of feelings. How dare he come here, just as she was feeling settled and in control, and spin her around again.

He ran a shaking hand through his hair. ‘I – I had to see you, I went to the house but there was no answer. Then I saw your sister come out of here, so I thought – I hoped I’d find you. Jen, I just – I can’t sleep, I’m not eating. I think about you all the time. I mean, all the time.’

‘Well, I don’t know what you want me to do. How can I believe any of this? Every word you said to me was a lie.’

He shook his head, stepped closer, his gaze burning into her. Despite herself, her heart raced at the closeness of him. ‘No, it wasn’t,’ he said. ‘Look, I know – I know what I did was awful, and I’m so . . . so sorry.’ He swallowed, and tears shone in his eyes. ‘But everything I said, the way I feel about you, the way I fell for you – it was all true. Scarily true.’

Jen glanced around. Most people talked on, oblivious to the drama that was playing out, but those nearby were beginning to stare and nudge each other.

Her mind was spinning. Not so long ago, this would have been everything she wanted to hear. Not so long ago, she’d have fallen back into his arms.

He was talking fast, his voice shaking. He sounded desperate. He sounded genuine.

‘OK, it’s true that it started off being for the article, I was trying different things to see how you’d react and . . .’ He met her eye, the shame in his facing the hurt in hers. ‘And I know it was unforgivable. But – but then I fell for you, properly fell for you. I think you’re amazing. I – please. Please forgive me.’

His voice cracked and he stopped, waiting, his chest heaving, his eyes burning into hers. Those standing around had given up any pretence that they weren’t listening, and awareness of the drama was spreading through the room. Jen was torn. The pain of his betrayal was still raw, still leaving her unsure whether she could trust him, but the passion of his words was powerful.

It was exactly what she’d always wanted; the romantic declaration, the roller coaster of feelings. A stomach full of butterflies. Exactly like a scene in the old films she loved.

If only she could believe in it.

‘Please. You know this isn’t right for you, you can’t just hide away, stuck in this provincial little village.’

‘What?’

‘Well, look at this place. I mean, it’s—’ His gaze snagged on Reverend Pauline, who was currently rather drunkenly conducting Marnie’s brother and his husband in a rendition of ‘Mistletoe and Wine’. ‘It’s – weird. And it’s too small, it’s boring. This isn’t you, this quaint little pub in a quaint little village. You’re made for—’

‘You’ve got it all wrong.’ Jen found herself shaking. Fury had burst into life inside her. ‘I love this village. And the people in it.’ He gaped at her, looking as though she’d slapped him. ‘They accept me just the way I am. It’s exactly where I should be.’

‘Right,’ Ted said. He was now standing close by. He placed a hand on Anthony’s shoulder, and Anthony shook it off.

‘Jen,’ Anthony said. ‘Please. I—’

‘Come on,’ Ted said, his voice quiet but firm. ‘We’re done here.’ He threw Jen a glance to check, and she nodded. ‘Yes. You’re done. You don’t get to come here and treat – treat people like this. The – the people of Babblebrook.’ His gaze was steady on Jen. ‘They deserve better,’ he said softly.

He placed his hand back on Anthony’s shoulder, and gently propelled him out of the pub. This time, Anthony let himself be led away.

Everyone around was watching with open interest, but Jen ignored them, running out into the cold night. Ted stood in the street, watching as Anthony climbed into his car and slammed the door.

And, as Jen watched him drive away, she knew with total clarity exactly what she wanted. This dramatic declaration had only confirmed what she already felt; she didn’t want Anthony, or the version of herself he’d imagined, or a life of running from the things that could hurt her. Because those were the things that also brought the most joy.

She wanted the man whose opinion she most cared about, whose face she most longed to see, whose happiness mattered to her more than anything.

She wanted to tell Ted, if she could only find the words, that she’d realised what he meant to her at last. That Julia was right, and Pat was right. That there was more between them than friendship. That she wanted to be with him, properly, and always.