Page 85 of Blue Jean Summer

It didn’t take more than closing my eyes to fall asleep because, for once, I was home.

Chapter 21

Hayes

I jolted awake to a door slamming. Apparently, the sound of Lewis waking up gave me a horror movie jump scare. Adrenaline rushed through my veins as eight hours of blissfully deep sleep went right down the drain.

A heavy weight had settled on my arm, cutting off the blood flow. I peered through sleep-laden lids to find Catherine facing away from me on her side, using my bicep as a pillow.

She was still sound asleep.

I wondered if she always slept like that—deep and dead to the world—or if she was just exceptionally tired after yesterday. The warmth radiating from her back tried its best to lull me back to sleep, but the startling panic hadn’t subsided. It grew like a flash flood, beginning as a trickle, but quickly rushing through me in a destructive torrent.

I needed to get up. To get out.

Slowly, I eased my arm out from under her head and paused to make sure she didn’t stir. Catherine’s soft snores were the signal that the coast was clear. My fingers tingled as blood rushed back into my hand. The mattress was big enough that she wasn’t jostled as I eased out of bed. After a minute of waiting by the door with my heart in my throat as I made sure the hallway was quiet and empty, I slipped out, silently closed the door, and darted into my room.

It felt like I could finally breathe when my door closed behind me. The steel knots of tension began to loosen once I was back in my own space. It wasn’t Catherine that had me coiled tighter than a spring, though the consummation of our marriage had complicated things.

It was me.

It was deviating from the plan.

Last night wasn’t supposed to happen. Catherine and I were supposed to say goodnight after the wedding and go to our separate rooms. I would have had time to decompress, alone, after keeping my mask on for the hundred people who had flocked to the estate for the wedding.

All throughout our wedding day, I had played the part the way I did every day. My routine wasn’t supposed to be messed up.

Last night had been my breaking point. I had been lusting after Catherine in the weeks leading up to the wedding, and I had ignored it.

I hadn’t even jerked off to the thought of her. Frankly, I hadn’t jerked off at all. All the changes around the estate after Granddad died had put my carnal urges in a sealed vault that was tucked in a distant corner of my mind.

But something about saying “I do,” slipping a ring on Catherine’s finger, and kissing her had unlocked that vault and spread its contents across my mind for review.

I had been on edge after the wedding, stressed and exhausted after playing the part of “Hayes Wilder.” But while I was watching her jump on the bed, hearing her say my name like I was fucking her, I couldn’t keep denying how much I wanted her.

I certainly couldn’t deny how fucking good it felt to finally let off some steam.

Usually, sleeping beside a woman, or even in the same room, meant I lay awake all night. Even with my ex, who I had been with for years, sleep was hard to come by.

Feeling the weight of Catherine against my chest as she drifted off to sleep had dragged me into a slumber with her. That kind of comfortable familiarity with another person terrified me.

But today was a new day full of new anxieties and more things to overthink.

Lucky me.

Most of those anxieties centered around the fact that I had sex with my wife. That definitely wasn’t part of the plan.

I closed the en suite door behind me, then ran through the morning routine of shit, shower, and shave. But instead of shaving clean, I left a neat shadow.

The office thought I was taking a long weekend because of my wedding. Truthfully, I just needed a mental health day today to decompress. I’d shave clean before I had to be seen by clients.

I wrapped a towel around my hips, made sure the sink was clean of any stray hairs before opening the bathroom door, then froze.

Catherine was sitting on my bed.

My gaze immediately went to the orange prescription bottles on the nightstand, even though her eyes were on me.

“What are you doing?” I snapped.