Page 14 of Two for Charging

He did not. “I don’t know. I guess I’m feeling good.”

“Then what don’t you know?”

Chris sighed and pulled at the corner of the tissue he’d just balled up. “There’s a lot of pressure.”

“Why?”

“Everyone knows we couldn’t win before because someone was working against us, so it’s like…of course we should be able to win now the problem is fixed, right?”

“And you don’t think you will?”

Chris shifted on the couch, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees. “I think we can, but I don’t know if we will.”

“If you did, it wouldn’t be much fun.”

“I guess.”

Michelle swung her feet off the desk and sat up straight. “Chris, do you think your coaches expect a Stanley Cup?”

He shrugged. “Eventually, sure.”

“Do you think your teammates do?”

“Same thing.”

“Do you think maybe you expect it of yourself?”

Glaring at her, Chris threw his tissue ball at the trash. He missed. “Hockey’s not about me.”

She sighed heavily.

“What?”

Michelle slipped her feet into her shoes. He hated when she did that. It meant Professional Therapist Michelle Horowitz was back in the building. He enjoyed hanging out in her office for an hour every two weeks, but when she started asking tough questions, he wanted the hour to be up.

“Chris,” she said very kindly. “Do you want me to refer you to someone else?”

“What? No! Why would you— Why would I want that?”

“Well, you’ve been coming to see me now how long?”

He counted on his fingers. “I made the team out of training camp three years ago, so I guess about two and a half years?”

“Uh-huh. And why did you come see me?”

He shifted in his seat. “It was hard getting used to the schedule and having so many people watching me every night.”

“Right.” Michelle nodded for emphasis. “So we worked out some strategies to keep you focused on the game and not on what was going on around you, found some ways for you to relax in your downtime.”

“Exactly.”

“Okay. So what are we doing now?”

“Um.” Chris licked his lips, finding his whole mouth had gone suddenly dry. “Well, it’s like conditioning, right? If I don’t keep training my brain, I’ll slide back into being overwhelmed by everything.”

“I think you can give yourself a little more credit.” Michelle’s high ponytail swished when she shook her head. “You’re doing great out there. But you’re still sitting here with the weight of the world on your shoulders, and either you can’t or you don’t want to tell me why. So I’m thinking the professional thing to do is get you a referral.”

“Please don’t.” The thought of talking to someone else, of getting comfortable with someone else, was worse than telling Michelle about all the things he worried about. “I guess I worry about personal stuff. Not hockey stuff. And you’re not a therapist for my personal life. You do sports stuff.”