Page 72 of Two for Charging

He glared at Chris. “You knew?”

Chris shrugged. “Yeah.”

“And you let me go on and on about coming out and whether I should and how hockey players are straight as fuck and didn’t say shit?”

“I tried to let you know you were safe to come out,” Chris said. “I couldn’t just tell you—”

“Yeah, no.” Howie shook his head. “You let me think I was in this alone, you fucker. Do you know how that feels?”

“I—”

“Fuck this.” Howie turned on his heel and left the room. The door slammed shut less than a minute later. He hadn’t even changed out of his costume.

Chris blinked back tears building sudden and hot in his eyes. “I can’t go after him this time.”

“Maybe we give him some time to cool off,” Phil suggested. “And sober up.”

“We could all use a good night’s sleep,” Tom agreed.

“So, Howie’s gay?” Mooney asked. “And he told you?”

Chris nodded. He didn’t dare talk again. He would only cry.

“You should have told one of us,” Jax said. “We could have—”

“You’re not being fair.” A tear slipped out with the words.

“Breezy, listen—” Tom tried to interrupt, but Chris was abruptly sick of all of them.

“No, all of you listen for a change. I didn’t ask to keep all your secrets. I didn’t ask to be the guy stuck pretending he knows even less than he already does for months at a time to protect you all and protect this team. I didn’t ask Howie to come out to me and not any of you, and he doesn’t deserve me being careless with his secrets any more than any of you did.”

A frown line furrowed into the middle of Jax’s forehead. Chris hated making people feel confused; it was his own least favorite feeling in the world. He wanted to backpedal and make everyone feel safe and happy again. But then he remembered Michelle’s earnest questions; Matty’s laughter on the phone when Chris asked if their family had been unhappy; Luca’s insistence that Chris wasn’t wrong for wanting what he wanted and being who he was.

“And another thing,” he said. “You all put me in a really hard position for a really long time. I spent months keeping things from my friends and my—my roommate for you, and then it turns out I didn’t have to?”

Calling Luca his roommate brought back that sense of wrongness, the same as when the others had called Chris straight and Luca single. Chris couldn’t understand why. They were roommates. Luca was single. As far as anyone here knew, Chris was straight. But none of those things were true enough, and Chris didn’t know what to do with that. “I know you expect me to keep the team working together, and it’s nice you want to give me an A for it. But I don’t want to be responsible for, like, team spirit when everyone’s keeping secrets this big. It’s one thing if people want to keep their private lives private, but none of you kept me in the loop about whether you were going to let the team know or how I ought to handle it if you did. I know I’m not smart, but being treated like an afterthought who’s just around to smooth things over because no one else wants to make an effort makes me feel even stupider. We’re either the kind of team you call a family, the kind of people who stick together through everything, or we’re a bunch of people who just work together. You guys needs to make up your minds which it is.”

No one said anything when he finished. His only answer was Mara’s warm hand patting his shoulder briefly.

“Okay. Well, I guess that’s my answer.” He got up to leave. To his surprise, Luca rose to his feet too.

“Unless you are mad at me as well,” Luca said with half a smile.

“You didn’t make me keep secrets,” Chris said. “And I’m not mad at anyone. I’m…I don’t know, disappointed, I guess. We’re all supposed to be adults and professionals.”

Chapter Twelve

Hilde Gustafsson: Tom Crowler’s house is so nice! I didn’t think it would be so cozy!

Cheryl Vanderbilt: Check out the garden. It’s huge!

Hilde Gustafsson: Team Halloween parties should be annual. No, monthly!

[She and a group of other WAGs strike a series of poses in the photobooth. They are joined by Howie in his Peter Pan costume in the last one]

Top comments:

SFCLions: It’s a nice house, but it’s missing a feminine touch. Call me to help you out, Tom!