Page 80 of Two for Charging

Chris could count on one hand the number of times someone had told him he’d been right. It felt strange, vindicating and hollow all at once. Being right didn’t mean much when one of his best friends hadn’t talked to him in days.

“I think it just played out badly. You know, Howie walking in when everyone was in the middle of explaining things to Hayes. He must have thought they left him out on purpose.”

“They did,” Mara pointed out. “Like, it’s one thing for Jax and Tom to be cool with the team figuring them out when it’s theoretical, but to have it actually happen with Hayes of all people? And then the Russian thing coming up in the middle of everything? I bet they got cold feet. And, I mean, I love Howie, and to be honest, I figured he wasn’t straight, but he’s also impulsive. What if he runs his mouth to the media by accident or something?”

“He wouldn’t.” Chris had utter confidence in his friend. Howie might be impulsive, he might be young, he might not be done figuring himself out, but he knew what was at stake for hockey players. His recent statements online proved it. He wanted to make the world better, safer for everyone. Chris’s heart hurt at the thought of Howie believing Chris hadn’t seen that about him, had kept things from him out of a lack of trust.

“God, you’re such a nice person,” Mara marveled. “It’s no wonder you ended up being the gay whisperer of your team.”

“I’m the what?”

“Diego’s words.” Mara rolled her eyes. “He wanted to know why no one had come out to him. I love the man, don’t get me wrong, but he has the straightest, jockiest energy of any of you.”

The weight her words took off his chest was as surprising as it was welcome. “And I don’t?”

Her eyes went wide. “Um. Do you not…want to?”

Chris buried his face in his hands. “Mara, I’m so confused.”

“Ooh.”

He looked up to find her smiling widely.

“Okay,” she said, “I am great at this talk. You wanna come to the kitchen and have some tea where no one can hear us?”

“The kids…”

Mara put two fingers in her mouth and whistled. “Sammy, Emily, you’re in charge!”

Two of the taller teens shot her a thumbs-up from the other end of the table, where they were supervising what looked like middle school geography homework.

In the kitchen, Mara put water in the kettle to boil. She got out a tin and opened it, spreading the smell of Christmas through the room. Then she poured a carefully heaped spoonful into a little metal egg with holes before putting it in a cup and pouring hot water over the whole thing. Chris, who up until now had assumed tea came exclusively in bags, watched in amazement.

“That smells so good.”

“I know, right? Trader Joe’s does this almond spice stuff, and it is game-changing. I keep it around for sexuality crises.”

Chris laughed nervously. “I guess you get a lot of those around here.”

“Eh.” She tilted her head to the side. “Less than you’d think. Most everyone here got through the sexuality part of it and is in a regular crisis.”

The tea smelled so good, and her smile was so kind. Chris dared to joke, “So I’m special?”

“The most special. You wanna tell me what’s been going on with you?”

Cradling the warm mug in his hand, Chris started from the beginning: his string of failed attempts at dating, how little he’d always enjoyed sex, Luca’s offer of coaching, how different things felt with him, and now his own unforeseen reactions.

“Can it be that easy?” he asked. “Can I have been secretly gay all along?”

Mara propped her elbow on the kitchen table, pillowing her chin in one hand. She’d nodded along and made listening noises and asked a few questions. (Especially about the mafia, which pleased Chris. No one ever took that part seriously enough.) “I don’t know,” she said. “Does it feel right to you?”

Chris shrugged. “Not really? I’ve never looked at a guy before and felt…anything like what I’m feeling now.”

“Uh-huh. And you say a switch flipped when you two banged?”

Sipping his tea, Chris considered. “Not right away. I mean, the first time was good, too, but it didn’t get me all confused. I liked how much he liked it, but I wasn’t…the way I am now. I don’t know. I guess I wanted to do it again to make him happy. He does so much for me, you know?”

“No, what does he do?”