Page 38 of Two for Roughing

Damir chuckled again. Kilian wondered if he was shaking his head at Kilian’s ridiculousness.

“Sorry for ruining the mood,” he said.

“No, no, it’s good. I’m hiding in a supply closet. I have to go drive Ketchup home, but I’d rather not do it with an erection.”

“Oh. Well, then you’re welcome.” The time had come for the call to end, but Kilian couldn’t let him go on this note. “Hey, if you…you know, later, send pics.”

“If you’re lucky. Good game tonight, Kilian.”

“Thanks.”

Damir hung up, leaving Kilian to shuffle awkwardly to the bathroom to clean up the mess he’d made.

Worth it.

He settled back into his seat, covering his lap with the blanket. Around him, the hum of familiar voices seeped in now his headphones were off. Jax meandered up and down the aisle between seats, growing louder and then quieter as he checked in with various teammates. Behind Kilian, Dmitriyev and Abrahamov spoke in Russian, the low hum taking on a musical quality, lulling Kilian into closing his eyes. He could barely make out Tom amidst the other sounds, talking quietly. He wondered who Tom was talking to. Maybe Mooney? Or Luca? Or Breezy?

Kilian wanted to talk to Breezy. He wanted to tell him about Damir, about the messages from Kilian’s dad piling up in his inbox, about all the things he felt alone with. But he knew that before he could, he had to make amends.

Kilian peered out the window. The sky was still mostly dark, but city lights illuminated the landscape in tiny pinpricks. The sight took his breath away momentarily. To all those people living and working and loving in those miniscule patches of light, Kilian was just another tiny human in another city in another job. His problems were even tinier. It was time for him to apologize.

Maybe the epic orgasm had caused the revelation, but when the plane landed in San Francisco at dawn, Kilian felt, if not optimistic, at least at peace with himself for the first time in weeks. Sure, the guys on the team weren’t the friends he wanted them to be, but they were good people, and if he managed to keep playing less shittily, he could salvage something. He checked the team’s event calendar and found a way to start.

After an extremely necessary half-day nap, Kilian caught an Uber out to the Tenderloin and met up with the other volunteers at the Pot of Gold shelter.

“Howie!” A wide smile split across Mooney’s face. “You came!”

“Yeah, figured I should show my face around here again.”

“Awesome.” Mooney clapped him on the shoulder. “You want to play goalie or ref?”

Kilian shuddered in mock horror. “Ref all the way. Ryana’s got a vicious slapshot.”

“Ugh, you’re right. Remember my beautiful face when I lose all my teeth.”

Kilian squinted at him. “Are they real? They’re so white.” Kilian had been lucky enough not to lose any teeth playing hockey yet, but he had four fillings.

“It’s called dental hygiene, bro.”

“Sexy,” said Mara, the shelter’s coordinator and Mooney’s girlfriend. She must have snuck up behind them while they were talking.

“You know I save the flossing talk for you,” Mooney told her. He turned around to hug her and press a quick kiss to her lips.

Kilian wrinkled his nose. People in relationships were the worst.

“Hey, guys!” Jax called, jogging up to them. Tom’s dog, Artemis, followed hot on his heels.

No, not Tom’s dog. She belonged to them both because they were a couple—an established enough couple to share a house and a pet. Anger and embarrassment simmered once again in Kilian’s stomach, but he thought of a tiny little light turning off and clamped it down.

He pasted on a smile. “Hey.”

Jax said something in response, but Kilian couldn’t hear it because Tom joined them at the same time.

“Jax, did we pack her water dish? I can’t find it in the trunk.”

From his pocket, Jax pulled a flat, rubbery disk and pushed at the center until it became bowl-shaped. “I got it. Worrywart.”

He said it with such affection that Kilian’s stomach hurt.