Page 43 of Dead Boys Club

“Fuck Henry!” Parker says.

The bottle is more than half-empty, so when Parker pours it out, there’s barely enough for everyone. Zach is stressed again, because he does not want to drink wine, but when Parker gets to him, he hands Zach a soda without him even having to ask. As everyone arranges themselves in another loose circle on the living room furniture, Parker drops to sit between Zach and the arm of the couch—which, Zach notes, leaves Ben to sit somewhere else.

“Never have I ever,” Alicia says, raising her glass of wine. The dark red liquid pools at the bottom. “Never have I ever stolen wine from my dad’s wine cellar.”

Parker rolls his eyes and drinks. Zach doesn’t understand the rules of this particular game, but after a few rounds—in which everyone targets Parker for something he’s supposedly done—he more or less gets it. When George says, “Never have I ever broken a bone,” Zach is the only one who takes a sip.

“You’ve all never broken a bone?” Zach asks, incredulous. “None of you?”

“Sorry, we’ve got superior bones,” Isaac laughs.

Parker knocks his tight-covered knee against Zach’s. He’s laughing too.

It’s good. All of it, the whole night. It’s good, and weird, and something that Zach has never experienced before. He doesn’t even find Parker’s costume all that strange anymore. He wants to lean over and tell him that the costume is funny, but he doesn’t want to interrupt the game.

“Never have I ever,” Bea hesitates, swishing her wine around. She hasn’t drunk any of it. “Never have I ever kissed a boy?”

Paige, Alicia, and Parker drink. Zach watches Parker lift his cup to his lips and take the smallest of sips, nursing the wine so he can keep playing the game.

“Who have you kissed!” Alicia shouts, pointing at Paige. “No way, who?”

“It was last summer,” Paige says, laughing, expression shy. George looks embarrassed but pleased. Zach glances around to see if anyone else noticed.

“Ew,” Parker announces loudly.

Zach’s face burns, and he clenches his fingers around his cup.

“Never have I ever kissed a girl,” Ben says with a snort.

George, Isaac, and Parker drink. Zach doesn’t know if he believes Isaac, but he gets distracted again by Parker’s sip. Of course he’s kissed girls, too—how else would he know that he doesn’t like kissing girls?

Zach can’t drink because the only girl he’s ever actually liked is Paige. Looking at her now, across from him, Zach isn’t even sure if he ever actually wanted to kiss her, or if he just… liked the idea of kissing her. He pictures Paige kissing a boy over the summer. He pictures Parker kissing a boy. The Reid twins, both kissing boys.

Zach hasn’t kissed anyone.

They go a few more rounds. Zach drinks when Alicia says she’s never been out of state. (He went on vacation with his parents to Vermont when he was three.) For the most part, Zach hasn’t done a majority of the things that other people drink for. Parker drinks for weed, and for alcohol, and for crashing a car, and, strangely, for camping—though Paige doesn’t drink for that one. Zach is still trying to figure that out when Alicia says, “Never have I ever… had sex?”

Parker is the only one who drinks and the rest of the group erupts.

“Ew! Stop trying to be shocking!” Paige shouts.

“I’m not,” Parker insists. He jiggles his leg, pressed up against Zach’s. “Last year.”

Suddenly there’s a lot happening all at once and Zach feels kind of dizzy. And warm. The temperature of the room has definitely gone up. He pulls at the collar of his costume. Everyone is shouting and laughing, talking over one another, and the cacophony of voices makes Zach’s heartrate ramp up.

He pushes himself up off the couch, muttering about having to pee. He doesn’t think anyone hears him over Isaac saying, “Wait, wait, hold on, let me get the whole picture here—” while Alicia screams with laughter. Zach thinks maybe Parker looks back at him as he leaves the room, but he doesn’t slow down to make sure.

He can still hear the din of voices from the kitchen. There’s a vent right over the island, which kicks on and blows air at him while he sits and breathes and tries not to lose it. He’s bad with people, he knows that. Groups are even worse. He hadn’t even thought to bring an Ativan with him, so all he can do is press his forehead against the cool granite countertop and count to ten. And then count to ten again, because the first time doesn’t calm him down at all.

“Hey.”

Paige’s voice floats in from the kitchen doorway. Zach lifts his head and looks at her in her blue blood-stained dress.

“Hey,” he squeezes out.

“Are you okay?” she asks, sliding onto a stool beside him.

Zach nods, scratching his nails over the smooth countertop. “Yeah,” he says, even though he’s not sure if that’s true. Maybe he could be okay, in a little bit. “I just—I get, um, like… really overwhelmed sometimes? And everyone was, like, shouting and stuff.”